<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0" 
    xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"
    xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/"
    xmlns:admin="http://webns.net/mvcb/"
    xmlns:rdf="http://www.w3.org/1999/02/22-rdf-syntax-ns#"
    xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/"
	xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd">
	<channel>
<title>Steve Meineke Family Essays</title><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/index.html</link><description>Portfolio of Essays</description><dc:language>en</dc:language><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><dc:rights>Copyright 2009 Steve Meineke</dc:rights><dc:date>2011-08-01T10:14:10-07:00</dc:date><admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://www.realmacsoftware.com/" />
<admin:errorReportsTo rdf:resource="mailto:steve@stevemeineke.com" /><sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod>
<sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency>
<sy:updateBase>2000-01-01T12:00+00:00</sy:updateBase>
<lastBuildDate>Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:36:46 -0700</lastBuildDate><item><title>How is Technology Affecting Your Family?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2011-08-01T10:14:10-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f629301d8e666242fdc0168bbb3c67c7-169.php#unique-entry-id-169</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f629301d8e666242fdc0168bbb3c67c7-169.php#unique-entry-id-169</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[&hellip; When each person in a family has a cell phone, people call that individual rather than their house or family.   Susan and I are only a household of two, but if we disconnect our landline, people can no longer call us; they&rsquo;ll be forced to choose between calling me or calling Susan.   That choice changes things.   For example, now when my father-in-law calls our home phone to speak with Susan, I often chat with him briefly before handing over the phone; if Susan isn&rsquo;t home when her dad calls, I talk with him longer.   If we disconnect our home phone, I&rsquo;m sure he&rsquo;ll call Susan&rsquo;s cell phone rather than mine, and we&rsquo;ll talk less often.   Disconnecting the shared phone will nudge us a little farther apart...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>One Marriage&#x2026;Two Faiths</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2011-06-01T09:58:16-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/742ddd3eab1dabdb267d7377e5a0569b-168.php#unique-entry-id-168</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/742ddd3eab1dabdb267d7377e5a0569b-168.php#unique-entry-id-168</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[&hellip;Mixed-faith couples don&rsquo;t marry thinking religious differences will ever become a point of contention.   Nevertheless, some studies estimate the divorce rate among mixed-faith couples to be three times higher than average.   I believe mixed-faith couples can succeed at marriage as long as there is appreciation and respect for each other&rsquo;s beliefs and traditions and a desire to cultivate a couple and family identity that embraces both faiths&hellip;
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Year We Saved Christmas</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2010-12-01T17:01:24-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/21939423144b4c11f8c83ddc69c4bbc5-167.php#unique-entry-id-167</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/21939423144b4c11f8c83ddc69c4bbc5-167.php#unique-entry-id-167</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The most remarkable thing was that Christmas morning felt just like it does every year.   No one seemed to care that our fireplace was a wall mounted TV tuned to the fireplace channel, that our stockings were hanging from an entertainment console, or that our tree was a scraggly fig instead of a noble fir.   Our family Christmas celebration felt remarkably and wonderfully normal.   I wouldn't have changed anything even if I could...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>An Uncommon Thanksgiving List</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2010-11-01T16:50:34-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d4ae686e83a3a63b09a637be0ca0917-166.php#unique-entry-id-166</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d4ae686e83a3a63b09a637be0ca0917-166.php#unique-entry-id-166</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[A hat and a sofa are on the list of things for which I&rsquo;m thankful.   Let me tell you how these two unlikely things became important to me, and maybe you&rsquo;ll think of some uncommon items that belong on your own Thanksgiving list...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Little Craziness Relieves Stress</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2011-01-01T16:24:23-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c1feb66992815adbd3984c0355d4c1fa-165.php#unique-entry-id-165</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c1feb66992815adbd3984c0355d4c1fa-165.php#unique-entry-id-165</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  When Bri and I were dancing and singing to &ldquo;Surfin&rsquo; Bird,&rdquo; I was momentarily free from the stresses of my life and Bri was learning that it&rsquo;s OK for people of all ages to engage in an occasional spontaneous outburst of enthusiasm.   A little craziness not only relieves stress, it adds joy to life.   Even better, it can wear down a three-year-old to the point of taking a nap...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Blame it on &#x22;Face&#x22;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Grandparenting</category><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>2010-08-01T12:16:14-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4fb03190f7bca76354389f159ff8e54e-164.php#unique-entry-id-164</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4fb03190f7bca76354389f159ff8e54e-164.php#unique-entry-id-164</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The saga of Face began with the idea of preparing my granddaughter for a new sibling.   I thought an imaginary friend could help Bri practice sharing and cooperative play.   I had no idea my teaching method would end up demonstrating that both two-year-old children and sixty-year-old grandfathers have a similar capacity for jealousy and blame...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Winning at Marriage</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2010-06-01T17:26:20-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e03d68a985e2a48cdc16edc900e0150f-163.php#unique-entry-id-163</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e03d68a985e2a48cdc16edc900e0150f-163.php#unique-entry-id-163</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  In 38 years of marriage, I&rsquo;ve never won an argument with my wife; but I&rsquo;ve never lost an argument either.   Susan and I manage our conflicts by collaborating instead of competing.   Does that mean we begin every disagreement in a spirit of collaboration?   Are you kidding?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Living With Differences</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2010-04-01T11:44:31-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66746ade8a5bf3457cd9a58c1063a4cd-162.php#unique-entry-id-162</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66746ade8a5bf3457cd9a58c1063a4cd-162.php#unique-entry-id-162</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[My son and I are different in some fundamental ways.   For one thing, I&rsquo;m often slow to make decisions, because I&rsquo;m always searching for more ideas and information.   Ryan is usually quick to make decisions based on whatever ideas and information he has at the moment.   Over the years, Ryan and I have learned to manage those differences in ways that benefit us both...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Spare Yourself Needless Worry</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2010-03-01T11:39:53-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d4187cbe3e4216885340d5e893a1d5c4-161.php#unique-entry-id-161</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d4187cbe3e4216885340d5e893a1d5c4-161.php#unique-entry-id-161</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[If I could go back in time, there are some things I&rsquo;d like to say to my younger self to spare him from needless worry.   Younger Steve needlessly worried about many things, including his children&rsquo;s teeth, toes, fingers and eyes...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>No Two Children are Alike</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1987-01-01T17:05:11-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/60b8443e75e215d10ccf1c84059aa3f9-160.php#unique-entry-id-160</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/60b8443e75e215d10ccf1c84059aa3f9-160.php#unique-entry-id-160</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  As a proud parent, I would say both Summer and Ryan have good social skills and show independence appropriate for their ages.   Their differences are not a matter of ability; their differences simply reflect different preferences.   They consistently choose differently.   Ryan is attracted to the world of people and things.   Summer is attracted to the world of beauty and ideas.   Their behavior is understandable, given their preferences...  It is my hope that we parents learn to encourage our children as they discover their own special nature, accept our children as unique human beings, and love them for who they are...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Home Remedy for Exhaustion</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1987-06-01T19:08:41-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6e6a44c1481ca58493eb3a6b4637b2fe-159.php#unique-entry-id-159</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6e6a44c1481ca58493eb3a6b4637b2fe-159.php#unique-entry-id-159</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Being a responsible parent involves awareness and empathy.   Exhaustion is an enemy of both.   Exhaustion can prevent us from seeing past our own needs.   Believe me, I know the needs of exhausted parents are very real; nevertheless, as responsible parents we must sometimes make an extraordinary effort to see past our own needs to the needs of our children.   The extra effort does not always add to our exhaustion.   Sometimes it restores and renews us with the endless energy of love...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Show Your Kids You Really Mean It</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1989-05-01T18:37:30-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/80a83d1910a90a4691e7fc5caa07fa43-158.php#unique-entry-id-158</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/80a83d1910a90a4691e7fc5caa07fa43-158.php#unique-entry-id-158</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It's obvious that no child is going to adjust his behavior for a giggling parent.   Neither is a child going to respond to us if we seem too tired or too timid to enforce the rules we expect them to follow.   When it comes to enforcement, we parents have to be convincing.   Unfortunately many of us parents don't know how to clearly demonstrate to our children that we really mean it.   We don't know how to get our children to do what we want them to do...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>No Dragons Allowed</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1989-08-01T18:29:39-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a29cfab84fb0c44f7dd00d7559b86a0b-157.php#unique-entry-id-157</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a29cfab84fb0c44f7dd00d7559b86a0b-157.php#unique-entry-id-157</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[..."  Oh, I know what you need then," I said with authority as I ran out of Ryan's room.   I grabbed the first piece of paper I saw, folded in into a small square, then quickly drew a picture of a dragon on it...  I drew a full circle around the dragon and a heavy line across it, like on the street signs.   I ran back into his room.   "Here Ryan, look at this&mdash;NO DRAGONS ALLOWED!   Take this sign to bed with you and it should take care of those scary dreams."...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Lessons Learned from Pinocchio</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1989-10-01T18:06:38-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c31de0b8075dfafaccf96e178db3062c-156.php#unique-entry-id-156</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c31de0b8075dfafaccf96e178db3062c-156.php#unique-entry-id-156</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Self-discovery is a lifelong process.   One of the most exciting stages is when our children reach about four years of age and begin to develop self-awareness.   Before then, as infants, children are more puppet-like, acting and being acted upon without conscious reflection.   With the "terrible two's," independence and choice making increase, but are motivated by the desire to get what they want.   They live in a Pleasure Island world.   Two and three-year-olds can't fully understand Mom's and Dad's Jiminy Cricket-like appeals for civility and responsibility...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Father Learns to Let Go</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1991-06-01T17:44:25-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/9e1b96f68d7e6c8527815f3d73ef601b-155.php#unique-entry-id-155</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/9e1b96f68d7e6c8527815f3d73ef601b-155.php#unique-entry-id-155</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(Father's Day)...  Among my personal treasures is a tattered copy of a letter written by my father in 1969.   Dad wrote the letter in support of me when I took a public moral stand on an issue about which he and I did not agree.   His letter inspires me, because it reflects a love that knows how to hold close and how to let go.   This is the kind of love that cultivates emotional maturity...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Options: Every Little Girl Needs a Truck</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1991-07-01T17:40:16-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2b2b593dcdf49affd644aaeedb37f5a6-154.php#unique-entry-id-154</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2b2b593dcdf49affd644aaeedb37f5a6-154.php#unique-entry-id-154</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  When our daughter, Summer, was born, Susan and I decided that we would expose her to things typically associated with boys as well as things typically associated with girls.   We wanted our daughter to be able to choose from a variety of options&mdash;not just those considered appropriate for girls in our society.   Susan and I didn't want society's notions to limit Summer...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Teaching with Silence</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1992-05-01T16:51:19-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bb1172e0dbd032bfab4454aa0a0111e5-153.php#unique-entry-id-153</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bb1172e0dbd032bfab4454aa0a0111e5-153.php#unique-entry-id-153</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Far too often we parents try to nag our children into hurrying up, eating right, cleaning their rooms, etc.   We waste thousands of words trying to impress upon them that which they already know, but for whatever reason, choose not to act upon.   Our nagging doesn't teach.   Our nagging just escalates a power struggle...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How My Children Put a Stop to Teasing</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1992-10-01T16:38:40-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f0c4f2823fdb40d2fb8f3ef107aa3c71-152.php#unique-entry-id-152</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f0c4f2823fdb40d2fb8f3ef107aa3c71-152.php#unique-entry-id-152</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The technique almost always works whenever Summer or Ryan feels picked on, bullied or teased (usually by each other).   It keeps fights from becoming physical.   All you have to do is look the aggressor in the eye, with a mean look on your face, and say, "STOP IT!", with fierce conviction and absolute resolve.   Summer and Ryan seem to believe that shouting it at the top of your lungs helps; I'm not sure volume is important if the resolve is there.   Getting the veins to stick out on your neck adds a nice touch if you have that talent.   The bottom line is that you must mean it; if you don't, even good veins won't help...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Shaping a Positive Family Future</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2010-10-01T16:30:05-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/301db1a7438df1be8bdf44b6e45340f4-151.php#unique-entry-id-151</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/301db1a7438df1be8bdf44b6e45340f4-151.php#unique-entry-id-151</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Even difficult experiences like the death of a parent or a divorce can lead a family to tap new and valuable resources, then pass what they learn on to the next generation.   The final outcome depends on what the next generation does with that legacy.   Look back through several generations of your family.   You will likely discover that your family has taken many forms.   You will also likely discover that every family experience, both positive and negative, has taught something valuable...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>What Do You Tell The Children?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1993-03-01T16:20:37-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d06568e5280ac94532b766fdd401e881-150.php#unique-entry-id-150</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d06568e5280ac94532b766fdd401e881-150.php#unique-entry-id-150</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[What do you tell your five-year-old daughter when her beloved grandpa is diagnosed with a terminal illness?   What do you say to your fourteen-year old son when marriage tensions have you and your spouse sleeping in separate rooms?   How much do you share with your ten-year-old daughter when your income drops and you can no longer afford her dance lessons?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Uncovering New Parenting Solutions</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1993-04-01T16:12:17-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/633e997ddcf4446d88204b5bf816b29d-149.php#unique-entry-id-149</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/633e997ddcf4446d88204b5bf816b29d-149.php#unique-entry-id-149</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  There is, however, a lesser know but effective alternative for finding solutions.   In this approach, parents focus their attention on identifying what was happening at the point there wasn't a problem.   Using my example, something must have been happening which enabled my children to "not fight" before they began to fight.   Something was happening which enabled my kids to keep their hands to themselves.   What was it?   Maybe there was a lively family conversation going on before the fighting began.   If so, re-engaging the kids in a conversation would be a good solution to try.   Maybe the kids were getting along better when they were excited about arriving at our destination.   Since we were returning home, maybe we could think of something exciting they could expect upon our arrival back home.   It is surprising how many parents overlook the fact that problem-free times can hold the key to some excellent solutions...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Very Embarrassing Christmas Eve</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>1993-12-01T15:58:32-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d8f30d53229fbc97b059b18174916bd8-148.php#unique-entry-id-148</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d8f30d53229fbc97b059b18174916bd8-148.php#unique-entry-id-148</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Children seem to have a sixth sense about the timing of their exclamations; they always hit at precisely the most embarrassing possible moment.   And as early as they can talk in sentences, children choose the most embarrassing words to say at that precisely timed moment.   We experienced parents have all felt the glare of the public eye cast upon us when our little ones deliver their exclamations...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Family Decision Making</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1994-02-01T15:46:37-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/5fd6a83c3389951be16bce830d01d575-147.php#unique-entry-id-147</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/5fd6a83c3389951be16bce830d01d575-147.php#unique-entry-id-147</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  What impressed me was the effortless grace with which a decision was made.   It amazed me that a leaderless group of people ranging from 3 years old to 76 years old, who had only been together a couple of times over the last 15 years, could so quickly and easily reach a consensus and take action; especially since the decision was about food, something dear to every one of them...  Many families can't do this.   Since group decision making is something my family does well, I thought some readers would be interested to know how it works...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>&#x22;He&#x2019;s With You&#x2c; Isn&#x2019;t He?&#x22;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1994-06-01T15:35:03-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/abfbcff8e893b9fecf822ecd032484ca-146.php#unique-entry-id-146</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/abfbcff8e893b9fecf822ecd032484ca-146.php#unique-entry-id-146</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I am, by nature and training, able to remain calm in most emotionally charged situations; but when a careful search of the immediate area failed to turn up little Ryan, unsettling emotions started welling up inside me.   The longer we searched unsuccessfully, the more I feared something awful happened.   Did someone take my child?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Being Friends with Your Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1994-07-01T15:23:01-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f73237be4a82ed64c50507b4ef5499c4-145.php#unique-entry-id-145</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f73237be4a82ed64c50507b4ef5499c4-145.php#unique-entry-id-145</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I think parents should be authoritative friends to their children.   An authoritative friend is someone whose unassailable character and good-hearted intentions are inspiring.   Such a friend does not make you do things; they make you want to do things.   The wisest and most powerful parents I know are people whose strength of character and loving actions are obvious to their children.   These parents behave in ways that demonstrate they are comfortable with who they are and determined be the best people they can be.   Their children see this, and they respect their parents for it.   These parents, simply by being themselves, have a great deal of influence over their children...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Understanding Teen Talk</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>1994-09-01T15:06:27-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66227ed050cca4d075a4ad371b2a6abb-144.php#unique-entry-id-144</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66227ed050cca4d075a4ad371b2a6abb-144.php#unique-entry-id-144</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It should come as no surprise to parents that language often indicates a new stage of development.   Remember the experience of hearing your baby say "mama" or "dada" for the first time?   What a thrill to know your child is now able to recognize you as a person.   But hearing your adolescent put the word "like" at the beginning of every sentence is another kind of thrill.   When your son or daughter begins using the "L-word" all the time, it's a sure indication he or she will soon be trying to forget who you are.   Now, that's a thrill!...	]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Brothers and Sisters: Does Familiarity Breed Contempt?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1995-07-01T14:47:34-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6e962fd4e6bc61d6aa38f95e34f0f60f-143.php#unique-entry-id-143</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6e962fd4e6bc61d6aa38f95e34f0f60f-143.php#unique-entry-id-143</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  We parents are naturally concerned about our children's feelings for one another.   We can't help wondering, "Do they really love each other?"   We can ask them, of course, but it only invites responses like, "What?   Love that brat?   No way."...  To ease one's mind, it helps to pay close attention to the good as well as the bad and the ugly; it's so easy to miss the good.   How many parents go running in response to their children's cries of joy and laughter?   Usually what gets our attention is fighting&mdash;very real and intense displays of anger, jealousy and greed.   "Mom!   Dad!   She won't let me watch my favorite program...  He won't share his gum...  He hit me first...  Tell her to stop it!"...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Surviving the First Day of School</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1995-09-01T14:39:13-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2bff138edb42e34c8ab04b5097ca1460-142.php#unique-entry-id-142</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2bff138edb42e34c8ab04b5097ca1460-142.php#unique-entry-id-142</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The first day of school is a major letting-go experience for parents.   On that day, parents wear their ambivalence like PTA nametags.   If I hold on too long, will my child think school is something scary?   If I let go too soon, will my child think I don't care about his fears?   Sometimes a perfunctory hug and hurried departure is followed by a dam-burst of tears once Mom is alone in the car.   Sometimes brightly spoken words of encouragement are followed by moist-eyed backward glances as Dad tries to catch one last look at fresh clean clothes and brand new sneakers disappearing behind the school bus door.   Letting go is excruciatingly painful&mdash;and absolutely necessary...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Reframing: Offering Children a New Perspective</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1995-10-01T14:33:17-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4b178cb9f759236dd94f3bfa4b749efb-141.php#unique-entry-id-141</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4b178cb9f759236dd94f3bfa4b749efb-141.php#unique-entry-id-141</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I'd rather have a fast brain than fast legs in today's world.   That's what I'd tell Ryan when he got discouraged about keeping up with the other boys on the playing field.   I started calling him a "head-shredder."   It seemed particularly appropriate after watching Ryan use his speedy brain to help his elementary school Science Olympiad team win three straight championships.   Kids like to think of themselves as fast.   Ryan liked the idea he was a speedy head-shredder...  Sometimes children need their parents to offer them a different way to look at themselves...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Christmas in the Land of OZ</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1995-12-01T14:23:01-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/05c10ab50bea1b412cac857bff997851-140.php#unique-entry-id-140</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/05c10ab50bea1b412cac857bff997851-140.php#unique-entry-id-140</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  No one ever warns parents how different it&rsquo;s going to feel when they&rsquo;re the ones in charge of creating the mystery and wonder...  Putting on the show is a different experience than watching the show&ndash; maybe for the same reason food always tastes better when other people cook it.   When you have children, it&rsquo;s like signing on to be a perpetual member of the production cast.   The members of the cast always know how Peter Pan flies and where the magician hides.   And in families that celebrate Christmas, parents always know who eats the cookie and drinks the glass of milk left out for Santa... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Great Teen Lock-Out</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>1996-01-01T13:25:51-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ff69699705a1071140532441848105b7-139.php#unique-entry-id-139</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ff69699705a1071140532441848105b7-139.php#unique-entry-id-139</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It was important for me to teach Summer the difference between a closed door and a locked door.   I wanted her to understand that, in families, separateness is an entitlement that is subject to negotiation.   As a teen, she should be learning to ask for space, and as parents, Susan and I should be learning to offer her space.   Nevertheless, there's a certain amount of togetherness that is required for negotiating.   The door may be closed, but not locked.   That&rsquo;s because togetherness is also an entitlement in families.   And every person in the family&ndash;including the leaders of the evil parental empire&ndash;is entitled to ask for togetherness, and receive it, even if only for the purpose of negotiating separateness...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Marriages Get Depressed (a 2-part series)</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>1996-02-01T13:13:29-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/423628af9617cb70e2ae69c6f02d782c-138.php#unique-entry-id-138</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/423628af9617cb70e2ae69c6f02d782c-138.php#unique-entry-id-138</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(a 2-part series)...  In depressed marriages, one or both partners have symptoms of depression, directly related to marital stress.   Depressed marriages are maintained by silence and inaction.   They improve when both partners talk openly about their unhappiness, and begin to make positive changes in their day-to-day behavior...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Stages of Emotional Development</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1996-04-01T13:08:54-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66c35002308f7b1561db5a694446b1d1-137.php#unique-entry-id-137</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66c35002308f7b1561db5a694446b1d1-137.php#unique-entry-id-137</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[As much as I value scholarly research and writing, it can be complex and confusing; so I&rsquo;ve decided to provide a very simple guide to help parents identify their child&rsquo;s stage of emotional development.   The guide is based on my belief that each developmental stage elicits a particular response in parents...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Teaching Uncommon Sense</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1996-05-01T13:02:56-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/40ac3b996f60016697c6df4355928830-136.php#unique-entry-id-136</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/40ac3b996f60016697c6df4355928830-136.php#unique-entry-id-136</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I couldn&rsquo;t imagine how Summer knew so much about grief at such a young age, so I asked if she had studied grief counseling in school.   &ldquo;No, Dad,&rdquo; she laughed, &ldquo;I learned it from you.&rdquo;...  Learned it from me?   How?   When?   I felt like I&rsquo;d just won the Teacher of the Year award, but didn&rsquo;t know what I&rsquo;d done to deserve the honor.   I decided to find out.   At my next opportunity, I asked Summer to tell me more.   This is what I learned about teaching uncommon sense to children:...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Gift from Grandma</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><category>Grandparenting</category><dc:date>1996-07-01T12:50:52-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d13a4ab9166c61328e03f383ff3a3806-135.php#unique-entry-id-135</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d13a4ab9166c61328e03f383ff3a3806-135.php#unique-entry-id-135</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I remember well how my mother viewed this extravagant purchase as a sign Grandma was losing her reasoning ability&mdash;&ldquo;lost her marbles&rdquo; is probably the expression she used in private.   Why, out of all the wonderful things at the redemption store, after months and months of saving green stamps, would anyone in their right mind choose to buy toenail clippers, then give them as a gift?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Raising Responsible Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1996-08-01T12:45:38-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e6e52a90e650644c3f205bba69de30f5-134.php#unique-entry-id-134</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e6e52a90e650644c3f205bba69de30f5-134.php#unique-entry-id-134</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Although children are born with the ability to make messes, they&rsquo;re not born with the ability to act responsibly.   Mix any two-year-old with a big box of ribbon and you&rsquo;ll get the same results we got.   This is nothing for parents to be surprised by or upset about.   But don&rsquo;t expect your two year old to straighten up his messes without being instructed.   It takes a higher level of maturity to recognize the benefits of a picked-up house and organized possessions.   And it takes a higher level of maturity to recognize that it isn&rsquo;t fair to make a mess and leave it for someone else to clean up.   Young children don&rsquo;t have this level of maturity...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Mom&#x21; My Teacher Doesn&#x2019;t Like Me</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1996-09-01T12:38:02-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a67822137765c6f6d6e63b8ebb7d6fbf-133.php#unique-entry-id-133</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a67822137765c6f6d6e63b8ebb7d6fbf-133.php#unique-entry-id-133</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Summer was being absolutely honest and sincere, but Susan and I knew we were in danger of being caught in a triangle.   We were in no position to take Summer&rsquo;s side without hearing the teacher&rsquo;s perspective; neither were we in a position to reassure Summer the teacher didn&rsquo;t hate her.   The teacher&rsquo;s side of story needed to be heard&mdash;by Summer more than us.   So we set up a meeting.   Summer didn&rsquo;t like the idea, but Susan and I promised we&rsquo;d be there, knowing our presence would lessen Summer&rsquo;s fears, making it easier for her to express herself clearly and hear what her teacher had to say...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Dealing with Disasters</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1996-10-01T12:30:13-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a3bf1934f7a515c28378b911922311c4-132.php#unique-entry-id-132</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a3bf1934f7a515c28378b911922311c4-132.php#unique-entry-id-132</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  When couples decide to have children, they give up their rights to &ldquo;white sofa&rdquo; lives.   Children make mistakes, have accidents, and do damage&mdash;it&rsquo;s a natural part of growing up.   The responsibility of parents is to teach their children without heaping damage upon damage...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Nurturing Children&#x27;s Spirituality</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>1996-11-01T12:22:20-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/34418d415c1443a4cd8c3379d41dffb2-131.php#unique-entry-id-131</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/34418d415c1443a4cd8c3379d41dffb2-131.php#unique-entry-id-131</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Spiritual growth comes in stages, just like physical or intellectual growth.   Children's spiritual foundations are formed in infancy, even before language.   Parents can provide a solid spiritual foundation simply by being sensitive and responsive to their infant's needs.   When infant's needs are met, they overcome their fears of abandonment, inconsistency or deprivation.   Simple love and care provides a basis for hope...  As children near their second birthdays, feeling-filled images, representing the protective and threatening forces in life, take root in their minds.   (Is there any parent of a three-year-old who hasn't dealt with monsters in the closet?)   At this stage, symbols and stories feed children's active imaginations.   Young children have equal opportunity imaginations&mdash;they don't distinguish between literal and symbolic truths.   Images of monsters, tooth fairies or God will take hold just as easily as those of dogs, grandmas or basketball players...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Nurturing Teen Spirituality</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>1996-12-01T12:11:24-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/985d30ba49b9c004a07392f4c5a0af97-130.php#unique-entry-id-130</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/985d30ba49b9c004a07392f4c5a0af97-130.php#unique-entry-id-130</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Teen spirituality doesn&rsquo;t distinguish clearly between the symbol and what it symbolizes, between the tradition and what it celebrates.   To teens, the symbol and the tradition is the reality.   Images, symbols and traditions carry great power whether connected to the family, religion, or even the high school football team.   Defending family beliefs and practices with rational arguments misses the point.   Teen spirituality, like that of young children, is still about belonging more than ideas&mdash;it&rsquo;s about making connections with others...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Computers are People&#x2c; Too</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><category>Grandparenting</category><dc:date>1997-01-01T11:56:43-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/757ea275502f300731d8e72574f026cb-129.php#unique-entry-id-129</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/757ea275502f300731d8e72574f026cb-129.php#unique-entry-id-129</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[&ldquo;Me-maw&rdquo; lives in a box in my garage.   Of course, that doesn&rsquo;t make much sense unless you know that my grandmother, whom I called &ldquo;Grams,&rdquo; was renamed &ldquo;Me-maw&rdquo; by her great grandchildren.   Please don&rsquo;t call 9-1-1.   My grandmother is not &mdash;I repeat, not&mdash;living in a box in my garage.   She passed away in 1986, having lived 89 blessed years on this earth, leaving a legacy for which I am exceedingly grateful.   Of all her gifts to me, I&rsquo;m particularly glad that Me-maw: 1) gave birth to a son, so I could have a father 2) taught me real Coke and real butter taste better than their imitators, and 3) left her family with a crazy sense of humor which helps us keep things in perspective, and enjoy life a lot more...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Earning Children&#x27;s Respect</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1997-02-01T11:48:49-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/386d8ff8fc774a96420a7f486a6710f7-128.php#unique-entry-id-128</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/386d8ff8fc774a96420a7f486a6710f7-128.php#unique-entry-id-128</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  When parents consult me about their strong willed or unmanageable child, the first question I usually ask is: Does your child have this same problem at other people's homes, at day care or at school?   If the answer is no, that's all the evidence I need to assure them their child is capable of behaving well.   If a child's problem behaviors only occur at home, I can also be fairly sure that Mom and Dad are the ones whose behavior needs to be changed first...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Loving Children For Who They Are</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>1997-05-01T11:47:11-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/408389a6408a6b5313d9cd05ac6dde71-127.php#unique-entry-id-127</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/408389a6408a6b5313d9cd05ac6dde71-127.php#unique-entry-id-127</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[It's only natural for parents to wonder what their children will be like when they grow up; so when a child's personality and habits aren't quite what mom and dad expected, they may worry.   I've talked with parents who were concerned that their child spends too much time playing alone in his room; and I've talked with parents who were concerned that their child doesn't spend enough time playing alone.   Parents sometimes get worried if their younger child doesn't act like his or her older sibling did at the same age.   And, occasionally I'll see a parent who panics when their child exhibits some personality quirk which reminds them of something they don't like about themselves.   Since there's no sure fire way to distinguish between a budding behavior problem and a budding personality characteristic, it's only natural for parents to be concerned...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Do You Need a Marriage Sponsor?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>1997-06-01T11:32:52-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3be6e61a0e5fbeee2d7c4ad76ac2f2f0-126.php#unique-entry-id-126</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3be6e61a0e5fbeee2d7c4ad76ac2f2f0-126.php#unique-entry-id-126</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  To succeed at marriage, couples need good role models and positive support from others.   I believe every couple should have marriage sponsors&mdash;people they love and trust who have positive feelings about marriage in general, and who feel hopeful about them in particular.   Just as godparents volunteer to be caring and supportive sponsors to a child, marriage sponsors volunteer to do the same for couples.   Traditionally, this was a role played by parents and parents-in-law, but others can be marriage sponsors too...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Traveling with Tykes: Survival Tips for Weekend Trips</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1997-07-01T11:28:23-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ef072b93e5c6a2cf27d5c183388c6e48-125.php#unique-entry-id-125</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ef072b93e5c6a2cf27d5c183388c6e48-125.php#unique-entry-id-125</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It was a spontaneous weekend camping trip.   No big deal&mdash;really&mdash;but I already knew I had made a serious mistake.   Half-expecting to find a bit of snow in the mountains, I had tossed our little blue plastic sled into the camper and asked the kids to pack a warm change of clothes, just in case.   I forgot there is no such thing as &ldquo;just in case&rdquo; with a nine and a six-year-old...  From the moment I had uttered my suggestion back at home, our trip to the desert instantly became a sled-riding extravaganza in the minds of both kids.   Playing in the snow was all they talked about all morning as we drove up into the mountains&mdash;the warm, dry mountains on which there was not even the slightest suggestion of snow.   I knew Susan and I were in big trouble...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Don&#x27;t Ask&#x2c; Just Tell </title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1997-10-01T11:20:21-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a67b75e9cd60c587365f120dc3426f19-124.php#unique-entry-id-124</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a67b75e9cd60c587365f120dc3426f19-124.php#unique-entry-id-124</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I've noticed that, when giving instructions to their children, many parents end their statements by asking, "okay?"   They say things like, "Come on honey, it's time for us to go&hellip;okay?"   or "Mommy needs you to get in the car right now&hellip;okay?"   Asking "okay?"   changes a command into a request.   What are these parents requesting?   Are they asking for their children's permission?   Are they soliciting their children's approval?   Are they offering their children an opportunity to decide whether or not to comply?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Motivating Children is Tricky Business</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1997-11-01T11:11:56-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4c64b17e72bab3795e905bee5fe5fad0-123.php#unique-entry-id-123</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4c64b17e72bab3795e905bee5fe5fad0-123.php#unique-entry-id-123</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  One day when my daughter was in sixth grade, the two of us were riding in the car when she spoke up and interrupted my monologue, "Daddy, please quit talking about houses and buildings.   I don't want to hear about them any more.   It makes me not want to be an architect."...  I wanted to motivate Summer by sharing my own enthusiasm about architecture, but from our conversation in the car, it was obvious my approach wasn't working.   If the idea of being an architect genuinely appealed to Summer, why would she threaten me with giving it up as a way to shut me up?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Marriage Can Improve Your Health</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>1998-01-01T12:29:07-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/773e33e738f50fa922b36734c7b35879-122.php#unique-entry-id-122</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/773e33e738f50fa922b36734c7b35879-122.php#unique-entry-id-122</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Do you know that: 1) Married men and women in all age groups are less likely to be limited in activity (a general health indice) due to illness than single, separated, divorced or widowed individuals.   2) Married people are also much less likely to become depressed, suffer from mental illness, abuse alcohol or commit suicide.   3) Contrary to popular belief, married people actually have more sex than single people; and although married couples only have about as much sex as cohabiting couples, they report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than either single or cohabiting couples...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Aim for Excellence&#x2c; not Perfection</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1998-02-01T12:22:43-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/9678cfc273d286558826546d72e0b34d-121.php#unique-entry-id-121</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/9678cfc273d286558826546d72e0b34d-121.php#unique-entry-id-121</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  We all have a secret wish to be perfect, but we must all learn to gracefully accept something less.   It&rsquo;s better to aim for excellence rather than perfection.   Susan and I tried to incorporate that philosophy into our parenting.   We praised our children for their efforts rather than the results of their efforts.   We wanted them to know we were happy with whatever they achieved, as long as they were trying their best.   When Summer and Ryan were younger, we&rsquo;d always celebrate the end of each school grading period by going out for ice cream.   Both kids knew that we&rsquo;d be celebrating no matter what grades they received; they didn&rsquo;t need to hide their academic shortcomings from us, because we didn&rsquo;t expect perfection...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Can Marriages Survive Infidelity?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>1998-03-01T12:04:12-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d1d67253d86dada035dc5cdbbcaacc6e-120.php#unique-entry-id-120</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d1d67253d86dada035dc5cdbbcaacc6e-120.php#unique-entry-id-120</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Can marriages survive infidelity?   Yes.   Some survive infidelity by secrecy and denial.   Some survive it by compromising the values of honesty, loyalty and equality.   And some marriages survive infidelity by truth, forgiveness and recommitment.   The choice is always ours...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When the Best is Good Enough</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>1998-04-01T11:53:30-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3b2df19f7c6800375f45d4cd38bbc4ff-119.php#unique-entry-id-119</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3b2df19f7c6800375f45d4cd38bbc4ff-119.php#unique-entry-id-119</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Every generation of experienced parents can tell similar child care stories, and like it or not, odds are that the expert advice you follow today will one day be abandoned in favor of something else.   So, here&rsquo;s my advice from the perspective of a father and family therapist: Just relax and do the best you can.   Don&rsquo;t beat yourselves up if you can&rsquo;t manage to follow every piece of child care advice you hear from the experts; it&rsquo;s more important to keep your own anxiety from spinning out of control.   Emotions are contagious.   Anxious parents will tend to raise anxious children.   Simply do the best you can, then let the rest go... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Disappointment is Reassuring</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1998-06-01T11:47:02-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3a72f32652ca53b23b0da3f68054257c-118.php#unique-entry-id-118</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/3a72f32652ca53b23b0da3f68054257c-118.php#unique-entry-id-118</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(Father's Day)...  Parents don&rsquo;t often think of disappointment as positive, but I believe it can be an important sign that one&rsquo;s children are on moving along the road to self-discovery and independence&mdash;that they are pursuing their own dreams.   That&rsquo;s the kind of disappointment which is reassuring.   I can live with that.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Traits of a Healthy Family (a 3-part series)</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1998-09-01T11:27:25-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/eacbf2b7dae295df0e9dc2fef9ec38f6-117.php#unique-entry-id-117</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/eacbf2b7dae295df0e9dc2fef9ec38f6-117.php#unique-entry-id-117</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(2,600 words in 3 parts)...  In every healthy family there is a natural tension that results from the family&rsquo;s attempt to meet two basic needs: 1) People need togetherness; every healthy family tries to create a stable place of belonging for each member.   2) People also need separateness; every healthy family tries to find ways to enrich and extend itself by encouraging independence and sending individual members out into the world.   The tension that exists between the forces of togetherness and separateness&mdash;between family belonging and individual freedom&mdash;is perfectly normal and natural.   I use the images of roots and wings to describe it.   Roots suggest togetherness and belonging, and wings suggest the need for separateness and individual expression.   Healthy families offer roots and wings&hellip;]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Survive Holiday Negotiations</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1998-12-01T11:12:09-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/927ab49a581f2cdb2b0527e1b7d1a5d6-116.php#unique-entry-id-116</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/927ab49a581f2cdb2b0527e1b7d1a5d6-116.php#unique-entry-id-116</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Family holiday traditions evoke deep feelings in most of us&mdash;of childhood joy and wonder, of family togetherness and belonging, of family heritage and loyalty.   This makes negotiating differences in family holiday traditions a significant challenge, especially for young couples and for remarried couples and their children.   However difficult it may be, every family unit eventually establishes its own holiday traditions.   This requires negotiating...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Upgrading Family Activities to Rituals</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1999-03-01T11:01:07-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a0a60c29f4a79aa71d5200c870beb070-114.php#unique-entry-id-114</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a0a60c29f4a79aa71d5200c870beb070-114.php#unique-entry-id-114</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  By the time my children were in junior high and high school, my connection to them was always changing, like some sort of emotional kaleidoscope.   Feelings of closeness and distance cycled rapidly&mdash;nothing seemed guaranteed.   It seemed like every time a good conversation began, the telephone would ring with another teen on the other end of the line; it could be days before the next opportunity to talk.   During that period of family life, I often felt a deep longing to return to those simpler times of bedtime stories and daily drives in the car...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Simple Solution for Family Communication Problems</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1999-04-01T10:56:40-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b22607876d3db6a8a7a67bfe7d2f04e3-113.php#unique-entry-id-113</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b22607876d3db6a8a7a67bfe7d2f04e3-113.php#unique-entry-id-113</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  One day, driving Summer home from school, I started complaining about our family communications problem.   No sooner had I finished griping when Summer blurted out, &ldquo;Quick, Dad, pull over into the shopping center.&rdquo;   I had no idea what was on her mind, but Summer led me into a drugstore and found an aisle that featured whiteboards and marking pens.   &ldquo;Buy one of these, and put it up right next to the front door,&rdquo; she said, &ldquo;then whenever anyone has any information to be shared, they can write it down on the board, and we&rsquo;ll all know where to find it.&rdquo;...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Storytelling Can Sustain Your Marriage</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2011-02-01T10:46:00-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/85562d7401565ace778f9ca32ba1014b-112.php#unique-entry-id-112</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/85562d7401565ace778f9ca32ba1014b-112.php#unique-entry-id-112</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Every marriage and every family has a Story.   Our Stories are not just dusty collections of memories&mdash;recollections of events we&rsquo;ve moved beyond.   Our Stories are the living essence of marriage and family life.   They connect us with the forces that shaped us into who we are and who we are becoming...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Father&#x2019;s Day&#x2c; Every Day</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1999-06-01T10:38:17-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2b7b5f2a55bd69a096c59cba31f02e63-111.php#unique-entry-id-111</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2b7b5f2a55bd69a096c59cba31f02e63-111.php#unique-entry-id-111</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  On Father&rsquo;s Day, my children will probably give me a gift, which I&rsquo;m sure I&rsquo;ll enjoy receiving; but my favorite gifts are the ones that don&rsquo;t come on designated gift giving days.   I like the gifts Summer and Ryan give me all year long.   Let me tell you about two wonderful gifts I received a few months ago, and why they are so precious to me...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Who&#x2019;s the Smartest?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>1999-07-01T10:31:05-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/dc900ff564f15adb559193ea34ba8dab-110.php#unique-entry-id-110</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/dc900ff564f15adb559193ea34ba8dab-110.php#unique-entry-id-110</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  As much as parents do our best not to compare one child with another, we can&rsquo;t prevent them from making their own comparisons.   It&rsquo;s unrealistic to pretend there aren&rsquo;t differences between children; but how can we acknowledge those differences without diminishing either child?... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Heart of Parenting</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>1999-09-01T10:14:15-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/94dff3519075c6b79ad412632b731a9f-109.php#unique-entry-id-109</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/94dff3519075c6b79ad412632b731a9f-109.php#unique-entry-id-109</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  There is a natural ambivalence at the heart of parenting.   Although we chose parenthood because we want to love and nurture children, we know that one our primary responsibilities as parents is to prepare our children for life on their own.   Therein lies the ambivalence.   Somehow, we&rsquo;ve got to learn how to hold on and let go...at the same time...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Learning to See Again</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>1999-10-01T10:08:45-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/98e0154eb64a49aa2183e947abeea8ba-108.php#unique-entry-id-108</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/98e0154eb64a49aa2183e947abeea8ba-108.php#unique-entry-id-108</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Many of my counseling clients complain that their lives are so complex and fast paced that they don&rsquo;t feel close and connected to their spouses or children any more.   Some couples tell me they feel more like business partners than lovers; some parents say they feel more like activity directors than moms or dads.   No one wants to feel disconnected, and most of us would benefit from simplifying our lives and slowing down, but major lifestyle changes can&rsquo;t be accomplished in a day; and sometimes we feel so overwhelmed or discouraged that we don&rsquo;t have enough energy to make the needed changes.   That&rsquo;s when I will often suggest a little eye opening experiment which can generate some positive energy for change.   I call it &ldquo;Learning to See Again."...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>It&#x2019;s Not Fair</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>1999-11-01T09:59:10-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f91b818f4c00f87ca0fbbf2741fe453f-107.php#unique-entry-id-107</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f91b818f4c00f87ca0fbbf2741fe453f-107.php#unique-entry-id-107</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Summer is almost three years older than Ryan.   One Halloween she figured out that she could get to more houses and collect more candy than her younger slower brother.   When we got home from trick or treating that night, Summer insisted on pouring hers and Ryan&rsquo;s candy collections into separate bowls.   This exercise revealed exactly how much more candy Summer had collected than Ryan.   That&rsquo;s when Susan and I realized that to a young child, there is only one thing that seems truly fair: More!   Fair is having more than others.   Equal is acceptable, but more is better...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>An End to Procrastination</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2000-01-01T16:50:57-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/88b2efe7ef56c63f9b22e187d253f702-106.php#unique-entry-id-106</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/88b2efe7ef56c63f9b22e187d253f702-106.php#unique-entry-id-106</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  In my mind, as long as you&rsquo;re busy doing important things in life, you&rsquo;re not procrastinating.   I&rsquo;m glad that Susan sometimes challenges my priorities, but I&rsquo;m glad she doesn&rsquo;t accuse me of procrastination.   These days, with so many things to do, I think all of us ought to lighten up a bit and give our loved ones and ourselves a break.   Let&rsquo;s end procrastination by taking it out of our vocabularies.   Sometimes you can only do as much as you can do...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Healthy Guilt</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2000-02-01T16:42:43-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b50bb89b910c51e559af8071394cdd4b-105.php#unique-entry-id-105</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b50bb89b910c51e559af8071394cdd4b-105.php#unique-entry-id-105</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Guilt is a special kind of anxiety that serves as a reminder that a family or social value has been violated.   Parents evoke guilt feelings in their children when they make it clear that a particular behavior is inappropriate and must be changed in order to return to the good graces of the family.   Some people think all guilt is unhealthy, but I disagree.   I believe healthy guilt is a warning that some essential life principle, like love or respect, is at risk.   Healthy guilt is a sign of maturity and moral responsibility.   Children who experience healthy guilt may feel bad about their behavior, but they don't feel bad about themselves.   Their guilt motivates them to try harder to behave more lovingly and respectfully...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Deal With Perpetual Problems</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2000-03-01T16:36:45-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2cec3843983053160869bffe8b71cac7-104.php#unique-entry-id-104</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2cec3843983053160869bffe8b71cac7-104.php#unique-entry-id-104</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  There is no cure for perpetual problems, but there is an effective treatment to prevent perpetual problems from slowly destroying marriages.   The treatment requires: 1) Naming the problem 2) Maintaining an ongoing couple dialogue with the problem...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Even Parents Have to Grow Up</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2000-04-01T16:33:57-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ccdc8a8f93ce56037542a044a6cbb716-103.php#unique-entry-id-103</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ccdc8a8f93ce56037542a044a6cbb716-103.php#unique-entry-id-103</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  At age eighteen children are legally recognized as adults in our society, but family therapists and researchers know that the boundaries which define parent and child roles rarely dissolve before children are well into their 30's&mdash;at the earliest...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Father&#x2019;s Day Message for Mothers</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2000-06-01T16:22:19-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e25c91737cc18655c951f88f0cd7cc75-102.php#unique-entry-id-102</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e25c91737cc18655c951f88f0cd7cc75-102.php#unique-entry-id-102</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Many fathers tell me that as parents, they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.   Their wives want them to be more active in the day to day care of the children, but when these fathers try, they often feel criticized for having poor parenting skills.   I hope this message speaks the truth for these stuck fathers, provides some insight for their wives, and motivates both to move toward equal opportunity parenting...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Kids Activities: A balance of choices and mandates</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2000-07-01T16:15:47-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/5491fce76b5dfd9338fac51bb6e7b03d-101.php#unique-entry-id-101</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/5491fce76b5dfd9338fac51bb6e7b03d-101.php#unique-entry-id-101</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Parents today want their children to participate in a variety of activities.   Most parents like the idea of presenting new opportunities to their children as choices.   But what about those activities which children aren&rsquo;t likely to choose, but which parents believe would be good for their children&rsquo;s development?   Can parents know when it&rsquo;s best to offer a choice and when it&rsquo;s best to issue a mandate?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>More than Equals</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2000-09-01T16:08:03-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/478a189bc767584644a116568bc5f4ea-100.php#unique-entry-id-100</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/478a189bc767584644a116568bc5f4ea-100.php#unique-entry-id-100</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I believe in equal partnership marriages, but I know that maintaining 50/50 fairness and a balance of power is not enough.   In the best marriages there is no score keeping, no tracking of who owes whom, no anxious monitoring of power.   The best marriages are so filled with mutual affection and admiration, that husbands and wives gladly give more than their fair share and fearlessly place themselves in each other&rsquo;s hands.   The most fulfilling and enduring marriages are equal partnerships&hellip;and more.   They are profoundly intimate friendships in which the greatest joy and satisfaction is found in giving to each another...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Coping with Sibling Rivalry</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2000-10-01T16:03:02-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d146498c9172e1738c7e3ffba9b3c05-99.php#unique-entry-id-99</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d146498c9172e1738c7e3ffba9b3c05-99.php#unique-entry-id-99</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Sibling rivalry is the name given to the natural love-hate relationship among children in a family.   The intensity of sibling rivalry depends on the number and ages of the children, their age spacing, their genders and their individual personalities.   I&rsquo;ve talked with parents who claim there was never any apparent sibling rivalry between their children.   And I&rsquo;ve talked with parents in families where intense sibling rivalry between adolescent boys escalated to the point of dangerous physical battles and frantic calls to 9-1-1.   In my own family, Summer and Ryan went through a few different phases of sibling rivalry...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Good Enough Holiday</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2000-12-01T15:47:03-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d7bac8cfc7d8171c96265c6482307e3-98.php#unique-entry-id-98</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d7bac8cfc7d8171c96265c6482307e3-98.php#unique-entry-id-98</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The Hallmark version of the family doesn&rsquo;t exist.   Even &ldquo;normal&rdquo; families are difficult.   There is no reason for you to torment yourself by holding your family up to an ideal that only exists in the world of imagination.   In the real world, we&rsquo;re all just doing the best we can with the families we&rsquo;ve got...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Coping With Stress</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2001-03-01T15:41:37-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b3c6bc3adfb2b2ca2ea7c2019a28208c-97.php#unique-entry-id-97</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b3c6bc3adfb2b2ca2ea7c2019a28208c-97.php#unique-entry-id-97</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Stress can destroy marriages and families.   What does it take to restore balance when stress driven behavior is damaging family life?   It requires someone willing to risk rejection&mdash;someone willing to speak up about the problem.   This is best done in a way that demonstrates understanding and support and minimizes personal blame.   After all, stress is the real culprit.   This is a team project.   Each person in the family must make it clear that they are not willing to have their life controlled by stress and that they are committed to reducing stress in their own life and in the life of the family...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Power of Compassion</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2001-04-01T15:29:11-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1b8de25e7ffeb6e248434437417345cf-96.php#unique-entry-id-96</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1b8de25e7ffeb6e248434437417345cf-96.php#unique-entry-id-96</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(Written in response to school shootings) ...  Science is teaching us that when an event causes a message to be sent to our brain, it is received in two places.   One part of our brain sends out an automatic response over which we have little or no control; but the other part of our brain is capable of being influenced by our beliefs, attitudes and values&mdash;those characteristics which best identify us as spiritual beings.   In those moments when we are in danger of getting stuck in a destructive state of mind, compassion can intervene and give us access to new thoughts and feelings as they emerge inside us.   Given greater awareness, we have an opportunity to act upon the highest and best within us...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Getting Past Frustration</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2001-05-01T15:12:24-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f9ba5e538510e54cea8acd40aa12cd97-95.php#unique-entry-id-95</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f9ba5e538510e54cea8acd40aa12cd97-95.php#unique-entry-id-95</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Learning about frustration seemed like a good place for a boy to begin his lessons in emotion.   There&rsquo;s something very male about frustration.   In my counseling practice, I&rsquo;ve heard women use a wonderful variety of words to identify their feelings.   But men tend to describe a wide range of feelings with one simple word: frustration.   I&rsquo;ve tried to help men expand their feeling vocabularies by providing them with printed lists words such as angry, hurt, afraid, vulnerable and embarrassed, encouraging them to look over the list and select the word which best describes the emotion they are feeling at the moment.   Most men look over the list carefully, then they pick a single word: frustration.   For me, the exercise is entirely, you know, frustrating...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Everyone in the Family Needs a Job</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2001-06-01T15:07:44-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d06410ac123adb52e3cdf756aef71baa-94.php#unique-entry-id-94</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d06410ac123adb52e3cdf756aef71baa-94.php#unique-entry-id-94</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Because of time and energy constraints, a lot of families embrace the consumer mentality as a group.   Instead of finding ways to help one another in the kitchen, these consumer-oriented families are more likely to pick up the telephone and order out.   Instead of washing the car together, these families just send somebody to the local carwash.   Not only do the individual members miss opportunities to develop personal character, the whole family misses opportunities to bond together as a team...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Win an Argument with Your Spouse</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2001-07-01T14:57:54-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/04f9b07d9300965375f114994c51b3b3-93.php#unique-entry-id-93</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/04f9b07d9300965375f114994c51b3b3-93.php#unique-entry-id-93</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I believe in arguing with your spouse&mdash;in fighting for your marriage.   Disagreements and arguments are inevitable, but they don&rsquo;t need to become angry screaming matches or endlessly tiresome debates if both spouses are willing to embrace one simple principle: The purpose of arguing is to understand each other, not to defeat each other.   Both parties automatically lose if either expects the argument to end with a winner and a loser or with one proven right and the other proven wrong.   One of my favorite sayings is: "You can&rsquo;t be married and right at the same time"...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Raising Honest Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2001-08-01T14:52:29-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/60fe8891742a578581a3f2c812a70dcb-92.php#unique-entry-id-92</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/60fe8891742a578581a3f2c812a70dcb-92.php#unique-entry-id-92</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[We parents want our children to grow up believing they are trusted.   But what about those times we catch our children dancing around the edges of honesty or flat out lying to us?   Here are three techniques I used to help my daughter grow in honesty without making her feel like I questioned her basic character...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Family Time: Getting from Planner to Participant</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2001-11-01T14:40:03-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/7b32d759ebf189d1d3675c25835fb534-91.php#unique-entry-id-91</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/7b32d759ebf189d1d3675c25835fb534-91.php#unique-entry-id-91</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The problem is that the kind of calm and uninterrupted family times parents nostalgically remember and desire for their children are extremely difficult to create nowadays.   There just doesn&rsquo;t seem to be enough time for family time.   Parents end up feeling disappointed and guilty for working so much, for taking any time at all for themselves, and even for putting the kids into bed at an early hour.   But according to the researchers, quantity of time isn&rsquo;t the problem...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Power of Positive Memories</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2002-02-01T14:33:03-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2ec4de87e00512ed39550ea1cd9c8ea1-90.php#unique-entry-id-90</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2ec4de87e00512ed39550ea1cd9c8ea1-90.php#unique-entry-id-90</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Shared positive memories are the glue of good relationships and have the power to mend broken ones.   It isn&rsquo;t easy to remember good times when you&rsquo;re emotionally frazzled.   And it can be risky to bring up cherished moments when you&rsquo;re not sure how your partner will respond.   But positive memories can be a powerful source of comfort capable of moving troubled couples along the path toward renewed trust, commitment, intimacy and joy.   Happy Valentine&rsquo;s Day...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Predicting Your Child&#x27;s Future</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2002-03-01T14:22:41-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d1ae676315d6d33adcf48d510326392-89.php#unique-entry-id-89</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0d1ae676315d6d33adcf48d510326392-89.php#unique-entry-id-89</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Only when I look back can I see the forces that have shaped my children&rsquo;s interests and choices over the years.   Someday, when Summer and Ryan are well into their careers, I may look back and it will seem as though they were both destined to be exactly what they are.   And maybe, if someone knew enough about my two high school classmates and me, what seemed like an impossible coincidence wouldn&rsquo;t seem quite so impossible...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Why You Should Try to Charm Your Spouse</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2002-05-01T14:13:35-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/82b2372d2e14d85a6edde6dc4a1ac6c9-87.php#unique-entry-id-87</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/82b2372d2e14d85a6edde6dc4a1ac6c9-87.php#unique-entry-id-87</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Without charm to help resolve differences in needs and desires, marriage is just a series of negotiations.   Such a marriage may be balanced and fair, but it can also be lifeless.   Charm is a lively and fun way of dealing with differences.   Charm is charm only when the result is positive and voluntary.   If I try to charm my wife into watching a silly movie with me, I must be prepared to accept no for an answer.   And for my wife to experience me as charming rather than pushy or manipulative, she must feel like she has the right and the power to say no.   Ironically, my wife is able to resist my charms, but often says no in such a charming way that I end up willingly going along with her wishes instead of mine.   That proves I have not only met my match when it comes to charm&mdash;I have met (and married) my superior...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Of Kisses and Barking Dogs</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2002-06-01T14:03:26-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/136c2a11521f62f5bd4fad15abec49a9-86.php#unique-entry-id-86</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/136c2a11521f62f5bd4fad15abec49a9-86.php#unique-entry-id-86</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Some stages of life are harder on marital intimacy than others.   I have been known to ask couples inquiring about marriage counseling, &ldquo;So, how old is your two-year-old?&rdquo;   I&rsquo;m often right about their stage of life and so my question gets a good laugh.   Experience has taught me that the warranty on marital intimacy expires when the first baby hits the two-year mark.   This personal theory is supported by research studies demonstrating that following the birth of a first child, marital satisfaction declines precipitously for about 70 percent of couples...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Staying in the Lines</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2002-07-01T13:56:44-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/323722fb8becee974c8707730f6a7543-85.php#unique-entry-id-85</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/323722fb8becee974c8707730f6a7543-85.php#unique-entry-id-85</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It wasn&rsquo;t the sort of telephone call you ever want to get&mdash;especially when you&rsquo;re only a Sophomore in college.   &ldquo;Freddie was killed in a car accident Saturday night.&rdquo;   So said the voice on the other end of the phone.   I was shocked, but not surprised.   In fact, it almost seemed natural&mdash;inevitable.   I was told that Freddie, out drinking with his college fraternity brothers, drove the family Chevy Super Sport&mdash;which I had always admired and envied&mdash;into a freeway guard rail and impaled himself.   Once again, Freddie hadn&rsquo;t stayed within the lines...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Buying Clothes for Your Kids</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2002-08-01T10:07:18-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/48ac2f44d9a90d500dba1c8c10c7cc1f-83.php#unique-entry-id-83</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/48ac2f44d9a90d500dba1c8c10c7cc1f-83.php#unique-entry-id-83</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  And so with tongue in cheek, I invite you to take heed and remember these developmental stages of children and their clothing.   Some of you could end up saving money during the back-to-school-clothes buying season.

	Stage 1 (birth to 3 years old): Your children will wear anything you put on them.   Enjoy dressing them while you can.

	Stage 2 (ages 3-5): Although your children have clothing preferences, they will still wear the things you pick out&mdash;but only if you beg.

	Stage 3 (ages 5-7): Your children have definite clothing preferences.   You will end up donating unworn clothes to local charities if you don&rsquo;t take your kids shopping with you.

	Stage 4 (ages 7+): Your children&rsquo;s clothing preferences are generally predictable&mdash;they want to wear whatever their friends wear.   Try to convince all the parents in your area to shop somewhere inexpensive...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Coping Skills for Stressful Times</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2002-09-01T10:00:00-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/862da613653b27ce8b9ed3a2bb2ddc37-82.php#unique-entry-id-82</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/862da613653b27ce8b9ed3a2bb2ddc37-82.php#unique-entry-id-82</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Look for signs of trauma related stress in your children.   Pre-school age children may become more clingy, begin following you around the house, want to be held more than usual, or increase their resistance to being left with a babysitter.   Previously outgrown behaviors may reappear, such as thumb sucking, bedwetting or baby talk.   Grade-school age children may resist going to school or complain of stomachaches and headaches.   They may suddenly be afraid to go to bed alone, have trouble falling asleep or wake up with nightmares.   Irritability and outbursts of anger can also be signs that a child is scared, so if you notice your child acting out more, don&rsquo;t discipline them without first considering the possibility that they are confused and afraid.   Adolescents sometimes cover up their fear with bravado, so don&rsquo;t be fooled.   Others will find it difficult to concentrate in general or will become preoccupied with the crisis.   Some adolescents may get depressed, withdrawing from friends and usual activities.   You won&rsquo;t know for sure if your child&rsquo;s symptoms are related to traumatic stress until you have a heart to heart conversation with them about their feelings...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>And Baby Makes Three</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>2002-10-01T09:33:55-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d29387df0549af9e06dcb5fe88412ea9-81.php#unique-entry-id-81</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/d29387df0549af9e06dcb5fe88412ea9-81.php#unique-entry-id-81</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  We parents really do fall in love with our babies.   The intense feelings of loving closeness help us endure the stress of meeting baby's needs, but also may cause us to lose sight of other important needs.   We also need to take care of ourselves and our marriages.   Once baby arrives, however, it can be quite a challenge to find "quality time" for ourselves or for our marriages.   For new parents, finding "quality time" for themselves will be a challenge they to face for many years...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Tidings of Comfort and Joy</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2002-12-01T09:30:27-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e13eec42a545bfa985f50920c83f017b-80.php#unique-entry-id-80</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e13eec42a545bfa985f50920c83f017b-80.php#unique-entry-id-80</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Conscientious parents can&rsquo;t help but wonder how their children&rsquo;s attitudes and values are being shaped by holiday advertising hype and displays of unrestrained materialism.   One year, I went through the frustrating process of searching all over town for a Cabbage Patch Doll to give my daughter for Christmas.   The ordeal led me to ask myself the following questions: Should I allow aggressive marketing to dictate my daughter&rsquo;s toy preferences?   Should I allow short supplies of the coveted prize to dictate the amount of time I spend searching for it?   At what point should I declare the doll search &ldquo;holiday madness&rdquo; and myself an overly indulgent parent for succumbing to it?   Before I tell you how I handled the situation, let me offer a brief history lesson to help you understand my decision...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Play Together to Stay Together</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2003-01-01T11:21:58-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e59baf55b6cfbe0f91333ba7214faf89-79.php#unique-entry-id-79</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e59baf55b6cfbe0f91333ba7214faf89-79.php#unique-entry-id-79</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  All over the country sports junkie husbands and their football widow wives will face off for the final battle of the football season.   After they are through highlighting their obvious and irritating differences, many couples will end up questioning how they ended up together in the first place.   Frustrated men will fantasize about women who actually enjoy sports bars and frustrated women will fantasize about men who actually enjoy movies where nothing gets blown up.   The one thing they will agree on is that their relationships would be more satisfying if they spent more time participating in leisure activities together.   Unfortunately, most will go about it in the wrong way...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>What is Good Sex?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2003-02-01T11:12:21-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/93650aca30091a9d5298ae6e15e72110-78.php#unique-entry-id-78</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/93650aca30091a9d5298ae6e15e72110-78.php#unique-entry-id-78</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  We should be telling our children that good sex is something that can only be achieved in a loving, committed, unselfish and equal relationship.   That takes a lot of time and a lot of love.   But before we can deliver this message with conviction, we must experience good sex ourselves so that we can model for our children what a relationship looks like between two people who are intimately and affectionately connected.   When we parents are comfortable claiming the title of sex experts, our children will listen...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Importance of Sharing Your Convictions</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2003-06-01T10:51:45-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/98c125518caeae69250f4fcc4cb46575-77.php#unique-entry-id-77</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/98c125518caeae69250f4fcc4cb46575-77.php#unique-entry-id-77</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  As I picked up the phone to tell Ryan the heartbreaking news about his beloved Granny, I wondered what Ryan would be thinking and feeling as he drove to the hospital.   How would he react when he saw his Granny, who had cooked him dinner just two days before, so very close to death?   Had I prepared Ryan for such a moment?   Ryan and I talked about many things over the years, but had we talked about death?   Did Ryan know my deepest convictions?   Would that knowledge strengthen him?... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title> It Helps to Have a Parenting Philosophy</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2003-04-01T10:50:11-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b442a644fd38e354ae9d747845389415-76.php#unique-entry-id-76</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b442a644fd38e354ae9d747845389415-76.php#unique-entry-id-76</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  There is no single best parenting philosophy, but my experience as a family therapist leads me to caution against the extremes.   For example, when parents grossly underemphasize individual freedom and overemphasize family belonging, they usually end up with teens that are compliant but can&rsquo;t think for themselves or teens that are rebellious and reject the family standards.   On the other hand, parents who grossly underemphasize family belonging and overemphasize individual freedom usually end up with teens that look outside the family for a place to belong.   They usually find belonging either within the fellowship of other lost and unsupervised teens or in an organized group that&mdash;for better or worse&mdash;becomes their surrogate family.   Avoid the extremes when developing your philosophy of parenting...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Encouraging Ambition and Creativity</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2003-07-01T10:40:12-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f8d5395f8e50df6dbd50286dec15ed2c-75.php#unique-entry-id-75</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f8d5395f8e50df6dbd50286dec15ed2c-75.php#unique-entry-id-75</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Our everyday interactions with our children can encourage or discourage their ambition and creativity.   Every time they come to us with some idea they find exciting, we can turn toward them, turn away from them or turn against them.   When Summer came to me with her shaved ice treat maximizing idea, I teetered dangerously at the brink of turning away from or against her...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Parenting Styles: Optimistic&#x2c; Pessimistic or Realistic?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2003-08-01T10:34:10-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c0604f684be488965753bf32e57562e7-74.php#unique-entry-id-74</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c0604f684be488965753bf32e57562e7-74.php#unique-entry-id-74</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I try to find a balance between my natural optimism and natural pessimism about human nature.   Whenever possible, I try to be optimistic and make it clear to my children that I anticipate the positive.   Children thrive on the positive.   I resist pessimism, but I know that my children won&rsquo;t always do the right thing and it is my job to provide them with limits and guidance...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Deal With Kids&#x2019; Crazes</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2003-09-01T10:23:54-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/27e128c26133d8cfc1c94024c4fd7410-73.php#unique-entry-id-73</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/27e128c26133d8cfc1c94024c4fd7410-73.php#unique-entry-id-73</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I's almost instinctual for parents to see Garbage Pail Kids trading cards and say to their children, &ldquo;Why-in-the-world do you want to have anything like these?   Can&rsquo;t you spend your money on something worthwhile?&rdquo;   Of course, parents who dared make such statements were met with, &ldquo;But Mom (Dad), everybody&hellip;etc.&hellip;etc.&hellip;etc.&rdquo;   (Whatever explanation your children offer for wanting GPK cards doesn&rsquo;t really matter because the only thing that really counts is that every other kid has them.)...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When the Affair Doesn&#x2019;t End</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2003-10-01T10:18:00-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ce2de42b15fb390dbab8fb0f1a77ae16-72.php#unique-entry-id-72</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ce2de42b15fb390dbab8fb0f1a77ae16-72.php#unique-entry-id-72</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Couples in this situation live in marital limbo.   They aren&rsquo;t ready to give up on their marriages, but neither are they ready to wholeheartedly work at improving their marriages, since they lack the security and safety that marital commitment provides.   In addition, they can&rsquo;t begin dealing with the aftermath of the affair, because the affair isn&rsquo;t completely over.   Since involved partners sometimes remain ambivalent for weeks or months, this state of limbo can drag on.   How long should the betrayed partner wait for a decision?   Should the betrayed partner actively fight for their marriage or should the betrayed partner give the involved partner space, perhaps separating until a decision about the marriage is made?   The questions and complexities are endless...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Importance of Family Rituals</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2003-11-01T10:02:19-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/78863eaeb3da824e0cbcb0b332d46cb8-70.php#unique-entry-id-70</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/78863eaeb3da824e0cbcb0b332d46cb8-70.php#unique-entry-id-70</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Even though we sometimes went out for ice cream other than at report card time, those outings were never special like the times we went to Baskin Robbins to celebrate the end of a grading period.   I am absolutely convinced that one reason my children did well in school is because they felt part of a family that cared about education and regularly celebrated that family value every time we conducted the report card/ice cream ritual...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Visiting the Doctor</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>2004-01-01T11:24:50-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/72cde4274acf35d452eac35a994a5e89-69.php#unique-entry-id-69</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/72cde4274acf35d452eac35a994a5e89-69.php#unique-entry-id-69</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Summer brought along her toy doctor&rsquo;s kit to her next appointment.   Before her own examination, which we knew would include a vaccination, Summer gave Dr.   Ban the full treatment.   He bravely let Summer give him a &ldquo;shot&rdquo; with her big yellow plastic syringe.   Not surprisingly, Summer&rsquo;s own examination and vaccination went equally well...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Planning for Valentine&#x2019;s Day...Next Year</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2004-02-01T11:18:35-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/148b324e1ab02e04b7ddf9a87e437d70-68.php#unique-entry-id-68</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/148b324e1ab02e04b7ddf9a87e437d70-68.php#unique-entry-id-68</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The loss of intimate feelings in a relationship is like a strange form of amnesia.   It&rsquo;s hard to imagine how feelings once so prominent turn into faint recollections.   How can two people who once felt head over heels in love, end up in only a few short years questioning if they ever actually felt that way?   But it happens&hellip;a lot...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Dare to Dream: But Keep Both Feet on the Ground</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2004-03-01T10:37:42-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/770c2f0bb23cca42beb5bf0d8f895e7e-67.php#unique-entry-id-67</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/770c2f0bb23cca42beb5bf0d8f895e7e-67.php#unique-entry-id-67</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It&rsquo;s normal for parents to flash back to their own childhood struggles when they see their children struggling with similar challenges.   But I think we should continually remind ourselves that our children are not just smaller younger versions of ourselves.   In order to make sure we see our children for who they really are, we need to be able to see past our own childhood experiences... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Helping Your Family Stick Together</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2004-04-01T10:32:34-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6398169b2c1bab94b80bf57246533f54-66.php#unique-entry-id-66</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6398169b2c1bab94b80bf57246533f54-66.php#unique-entry-id-66</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Children (and grownups too) want to know: Who am I?   Where do I come from?   To whom do I belong?   These are weighty questions, but parents don&rsquo;t need to be theologians or philosophers to respond helpfully.   When children wonder about identity and belonging, they are usually concerned more about their place in the family than their place in the cosmos.   You can help them feel more secure about who they are and where they belong by telling them your family story.   Here are some thoughts and ideas to help you...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Being Helpful Isn&#x2019;t Helpful</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2004-05-01T10:23:50-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6ef95a383d8af3859eb754c266f63e36-65.php#unique-entry-id-65</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6ef95a383d8af3859eb754c266f63e36-65.php#unique-entry-id-65</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Was I being self-centered?   Uncaring?   Unsupportive?   Perhaps.   But if you try too hard to be a good parent, you can miss important opportunities to teach your children responsible self-dependence.   How can you expect your children to learn how to take care of themselves if you never give them a chance?... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Father vs. Son Competition</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2004-06-01T10:16:27-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4e4e6002b5934d413411ffbf720b2753-64.php#unique-entry-id-64</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4e4e6002b5934d413411ffbf720b2753-64.php#unique-entry-id-64</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Dad really wanted that point.   For his courageous effort, he only managed to dink the ball back over.   I put it away with authority.   My point.   Dad picked himself up, tar covered pebbles falling from bloodied impressions on his elbows and knees.   The look on his face&mdash;a resigned smile&mdash;told me something had changed between us.   That day, on the tennis court, I was his father.   But I was better prepared for my victory than for Dad's defeat.   I felt great and terrible, triumphant and afraid...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Matter-of-Fact Parenting</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2004-07-01T10:08:40-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66a5f5ebd21e617d59f3601db35235db-63.php#unique-entry-id-63</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/66a5f5ebd21e617d59f3601db35235db-63.php#unique-entry-id-63</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I believe a matter-of-fact approach keeps parents from getting caught in a web of negative emotion with their children.   Emotions are contagious.   When parents strongly react to their children&rsquo;s negative behavior with fear or anger they wind up delivering long speeches or making accusations and threats.   This is not only upsetting for everyone involved; it is also ineffective.   I believe effective parenting involves 1) common sense 2) observations and comments spoken in a calm matter-of-fact tone, and 3) positive encouragement...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Rediscovering the Gift of Parenthood</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2004-10-01T10:01:40-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8a8c1e58a86a6c655f7f3b4a1c1c72fe-62.php#unique-entry-id-62</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8a8c1e58a86a6c655f7f3b4a1c1c72fe-62.php#unique-entry-id-62</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Such experiences taught me that the simple act of watching my children from a distance could renew my parenting energy.   From a distance it was easy to see the preciousness and beauty of their young lives.   From a distance I could see what an honor it was to be entrusted with their care.   From a distance parenting didn&rsquo;t look like a chore, it looked like a gift...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Being Thankful for Whatever Is</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2004-11-01T09:54:33-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/429e0d7fb6d11998f9317b6cff5a8923-61.php#unique-entry-id-61</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/429e0d7fb6d11998f9317b6cff5a8923-61.php#unique-entry-id-61</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  What if questions are interesting and sometimes they can guide us make better choices in the future.   But there is one big problem with what if questions: They can keep us from being thankful for whatever is...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Gift Everyone Needs&#x2026;And Can Afford to Give</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2004-12-01T09:43:17-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ca6f280f5c5c43d64705690f3c70bf60-60.php#unique-entry-id-60</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ca6f280f5c5c43d64705690f3c70bf60-60.php#unique-entry-id-60</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...   I answered the office phone.   "Hello, this is Steve Meineke."

   "Hi," said a tiny sounding voice, "can you talk with me?"

   "Well, I can talk for a minute," I said hesitantly, unsure whether the tiny voice was that of a child, an upset adult calling  	for counseling, or a crank caller pretending to be a child. 

   "Were you trying to reach someone in particular?"   I asked.

   "No, I was just calling numbers," said the tiny voice.   "Are you sure you can only talk for a minute?...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Miracle Cure for Marriage Problems</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2005-01-01T17:45:28-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8df64f4ab6ac3ba0a64597d5ca343910-59.php#unique-entry-id-59</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8df64f4ab6ac3ba0a64597d5ca343910-59.php#unique-entry-id-59</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  My job is to help couples become collaborators instead of adversaries or strangers.   Some of my clients start the process before they&rsquo;ve even met me.   But whether the process happens with or without help, fast or slow, the good news is that collaborative conversations can cure marriage problems.   I&rsquo;ve watched it happen for years, and it still seems like a miracle to me...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Helping Children Develop Moral Character</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2005-02-01T17:41:35-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b96bfdea9eb3c5600aedf35b7b91704c-56.php#unique-entry-id-56</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b96bfdea9eb3c5600aedf35b7b91704c-56.php#unique-entry-id-56</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[I first began posing moral questions to my children when they were young.   Sometimes my questions were prompted by real situations in our lives, but often they came up as a result of watching TV shows or movies together.   A moral dilemma would present itself and I&rsquo;d ask the kids: Do you think that&rsquo;s right?   What do you think is the best thing to do in that situation?   My questions were a way of drawing out and reinforcing the moral wisdom I believed they&mdash;like all children&mdash;naturally possessed...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Preparing Children for Successful Marriages</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2005-03-01T17:38:14-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/eb87d48b2f478553f56abddc67d35624-55.php#unique-entry-id-55</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/eb87d48b2f478553f56abddc67d35624-55.php#unique-entry-id-55</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[My daughter is getting married in a few months and I&rsquo;m confident that her marriage will be an unqualified success&mdash;a loving lifelong relationship that generates growth, happiness and fulfillment (hopefully, grandchildren too).   That&rsquo;s an optimistic statement in a society where the divorce rate hovers close to fifty percent and from a father who is a marriage counselor and has observed just about everything that can go wrong in a marriage.   But I&rsquo;m not worried about my daughter and her fianc&eacute;, because the odds of a successful marriage are actually quite high for couples that meet certain criteria...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Goodbye Summer&#x2c; Hello Summer</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2005-04-01T17:31:58-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a46a05b3027154849b7e1dfd25b8a010-53.php#unique-entry-id-53</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a46a05b3027154849b7e1dfd25b8a010-53.php#unique-entry-id-53</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It wasn&rsquo;t easy to cope with losing my daughter to her peer group.   I liked the old feeling when Summer used to hang on my every word.   After she turned 13, I just got left hanging.   I liked it better when I held celebrity status with my daughter, before I became a persona non grata as long as there was a 13-year-old within sight.   I knew this change was absolutely normal, natural and necessary, but I didn&rsquo;t like it a bit.   I missed the days when Summer would go anywhere and do anything just to be with me...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Whose Money? Yours&#x2c; Mine or Ours?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2005-05-01T17:40:18-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ee551d8c39550c6393978bba20877c95-52.php#unique-entry-id-52</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ee551d8c39550c6393978bba20877c95-52.php#unique-entry-id-52</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...according to one recent survey, about half of all married couples today keep multiple bank accounts, and it is a growing trend.   What does the choice to maintain his and hers bank accounts say about a relationship?   Does it indicate selfishness?   Does it reveal lack of trust in each other and commitment to marriage?   Can spouses honestly claim to be team players in marriage without pooling their financial resources?   I&rsquo;ve concluded that when it comes to money, the attitudes a husband and wife have about sharing and decision-making affect the quality of their marriage much more than the particular form of money management they choose...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Fathers Turn Fun into Fear</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2005-06-01T17:34:04-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bda797d49af62303b8594898ff245f57-51.php#unique-entry-id-51</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bda797d49af62303b8594898ff245f57-51.php#unique-entry-id-51</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Some fathers intentionally push their sons to the edge of fear, hoping the experience will be memorable and aid the development of courage.   But engaging children in this way can have negative consequences.   To point out some of the possible negative consequences, I offer this fictional letter, written from the point of view of a young son...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Your Spouse Finds Slight Perfections in You</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2005-07-01T17:28:58-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8ec09fb5672a8b77740a0f0de2835fda-50.php#unique-entry-id-50</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8ec09fb5672a8b77740a0f0de2835fda-50.php#unique-entry-id-50</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It feels wonderful to have someone fall in love with you and put you on a pedestal.   But staying on that pedestal requires a continuous effort to be faithful, loving and kind on a regular basis.   Fortunately, you don&rsquo;t need to be perfect.   As long as you make a sincere effort you will discover that your spouse looks right past your flaws and into your heart.   You will feel like the luckiest person in the world because you are loved just for being who you are...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Tears Are a Badge of Honor</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>2005-09-01T17:19:54-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e629c5582a93e6845c741e36b9459421-49.php#unique-entry-id-49</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/e629c5582a93e6845c741e36b9459421-49.php#unique-entry-id-49</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Parenthood is filled with brief moments of sadness.   Mostly it&rsquo;s a sweet sadness, born of love and affection, but it&rsquo;s sadness nonetheless.   I think it&rsquo;s best for parents to view that sadness as a perfectly normal reaction but one that comes with a warning label.   The label reads: Warning.   Watching a child grow up may cause temporary sadness.   If this occurs and you are unable to comfort yourself, please seek comfort from other adults.   Under no circumstances should you turn to that child for comfort as this has been known to result in a slowing of the natural growing up process...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Relationship Called Forgiveness</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2005-10-01T17:13:08-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a43a16eedd97474609c0c52735f63622-48.php#unique-entry-id-48</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a43a16eedd97474609c0c52735f63622-48.php#unique-entry-id-48</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Genuine forgiveness doesn't draw a sharp distinction between who is doing the forgiving and who is the one being forgiven because it recognizes that few situations are so black and white that anyone is 100 percent without fault.   Only the forgiven can forgive.   Genuine forgiving always involves one forgiven human being standing in fellowship with another forgiven human being.   It requires humility.   It mends broken relationships by reminding everyone involved of their own fallibility and need for one another&rsquo;s compassion and love...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Inspiring Children with Personal Stories</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2005-12-01T16:57:55-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6f239b5c2bff3af03051a65574c455ff-47.php#unique-entry-id-47</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/6f239b5c2bff3af03051a65574c455ff-47.php#unique-entry-id-47</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  My beloved Sunday School teacher was one of those people who survived on the edge of poverty.   Bertha lived on a street that flooded regularly when the Ohio River spilled its banks, giving her modest unpainted clapboard house the patina of driftwood.   Bertha lacked much formal education and dressed like many other women in that part of town, in simple cotton dresses, with her oily-slick hair pulled back tightly in a ponytail.   But the most important thing about Bertha was that she was sweet and kind, always ready with a warm smile and encouraging words.   Her life was dedicated to helping those people she called the &ldquo;less fortunate&rdquo;...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Letting Children Be Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2006-01-01T14:31:02-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/87f035b854c34e78846c80294a764cff-46.php#unique-entry-id-46</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/87f035b854c34e78846c80294a764cff-46.php#unique-entry-id-46</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Although parents receive many benefits from their children, it is not the job of children to take care of their parents, at least not during the growing up years.   Children whose parents depend too much on them end up taking on adult roles prematurely and miss out on their own childhoods.   They never get to relax and just be kids.   Family therapists sometimes refer to these adult-like children as parental or companionate children...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Time for Words&#x2026;A Time for Silence</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2006-02-01T14:24:42-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/92cdd4891bd75506428f485f8cded739-45.php#unique-entry-id-45</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/92cdd4891bd75506428f485f8cded739-45.php#unique-entry-id-45</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  During counseling sessions I often ask people to slow down their talking so there is enough space between words for them to get in touch with the stirrings of their hearts.   I explain that messages of the heart are quieter and harder to hear than the messages of the mouth.   Such reflective communication often feels unnaturally slow to people accustomed to talking to each other in quick snippets sandwiched between the chattering of children and the stream of sounds from the TV.   But slowing down a conversation can result in a better balance of words and silence, and lead to better understanding...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>TV or Not TV: Is That the Question?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2006-03-01T14:18:30-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f581bc16bbfc4b02af4fb853f228f1b8-44.php#unique-entry-id-44</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f581bc16bbfc4b02af4fb853f228f1b8-44.php#unique-entry-id-44</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  But by the time Summer was 13 and Ryan was 10, Susan and I were concerned about the number of hours they sat in front of the TV.   Would television destroy their desire to read?   Should we pull the plug on the boob tube?   Susan and I decided to monitor our family viewing habits for a week so we&rsquo;d have some data for our deliberations...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Getting From Rules to Moral Character</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2006-05-01T14:14:15-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c2d96a18c49f9c7f3b79b5105f06148c-43.php#unique-entry-id-43</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c2d96a18c49f9c7f3b79b5105f06148c-43.php#unique-entry-id-43</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The path to moral character is never straight and is paved with stones that will cause our children to stumble at times.   That&rsquo;s why it&rsquo;s important for us to stand by ready to offer whatever help is needed to get them through the difficult times.   Sometimes we need to pull out the old rulebook and remind them of our family expectations; and sometimes we need to sit back and trust that our children&rsquo;s inner guidance system will redirect them without our intervention.   Knowing when to &ldquo;lay down the law&rdquo; and when to &ldquo;back off&rdquo; is the mark of a skilled parent...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>In Appreciation of Fathers</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2006-06-01T14:07:57-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/58ef2f57f8c430e1de29fc841c5d6c59-42.php#unique-entry-id-42</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/58ef2f57f8c430e1de29fc841c5d6c59-42.php#unique-entry-id-42</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[I started appreciating my father more than ever after I became a father myself.   Recently I&rsquo;ve come to understand what it must have been like for Dad as he watched me prepare to leave home for good...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>What&#x27;s in a Name?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2006-07-01T14:01:24-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/28c80848de3e74efa5268ecb84ccdb0f-41.php#unique-entry-id-41</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/28c80848de3e74efa5268ecb84ccdb0f-41.php#unique-entry-id-41</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Our newborn daughter was still nameless.   The nurses said my wife and I had to pick out something&hellip;anything&hellip;because they didn&rsquo;t let babies go home from the hospital without names on their birth certificates.   In room 308 B, Susan and I sat in anxious silence...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>When Winning is Losing</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2006-08-01T13:57:14-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c5c51392b0d3eedbde5456303bcae1f2-40.php#unique-entry-id-40</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c5c51392b0d3eedbde5456303bcae1f2-40.php#unique-entry-id-40</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Apparently some people haven&rsquo;t figured out that if you prove your spouse is hopelessly flawed, you simultaneously prove that you&rsquo;re crazy for marrying them.   The bottom line is this: In marriage you either win together or you lose together.   Insisting you&rsquo;re a better person than your spouse is marital suicide...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How Divorce Affects Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><category>Child Development</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2006-09-01T13:51:10-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0e1e9169edf72d3bf4231b67e759a799-39.php#unique-entry-id-39</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0e1e9169edf72d3bf4231b67e759a799-39.php#unique-entry-id-39</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  If your parents divorced during your childhood, even if you grew up to be a happy and successful adult, you may still sense a difference between you and your peers whose parents stayed married.   It&rsquo;s a difference you may find hard to put into words...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Raising Trophy Children&#x2026;Accidentally</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>2006-10-01T13:46:48-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/335c594e0d06092cc1bcfafd9517f129-38.php#unique-entry-id-38</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/335c594e0d06092cc1bcfafd9517f129-38.php#unique-entry-id-38</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Our goal was to raise well-adjusted children who: 1) felt good about themselves and their accomplishments 2) felt free to pursue their interests and talents as they emerged 3) treated others as friends rather than competitors.   Despite our non-competitive parenting attitudes, both children were and are quite successful...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Adult Truth About Child Truth</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2006-11-01T17:33:28-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8bccc7a221841ebae1c0feb85928459b-36.php#unique-entry-id-36</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8bccc7a221841ebae1c0feb85928459b-36.php#unique-entry-id-36</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It would be less confusing for parents if young children always told the adult truth.   But they don't.   Sometimes the best parents can do is acknowledge what their children say, knowing they&rsquo;ll never know exactly what their children mean.   I believe that parents who understand and appreciate child truth communicate acceptance to their children.   Parents who fail to understand and appreciate child truth can inadvertently communicate negative judgment.   A young child&rsquo;s creativity and self-esteem can be diminished if parents regularly say things like, &ldquo;What are you talking about?&rdquo;   or &ldquo;That can&rsquo;t be right&rdquo; or &ldquo;That doesn&rsquo;t make sense.&rdquo;...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Will Our Children Have Faith?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2006-12-01T17:11:30-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/cc55898c661e5384be2031bb796eef7f-35.php#unique-entry-id-35</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/cc55898c661e5384be2031bb796eef7f-35.php#unique-entry-id-35</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(1,690 words)...  We parents decide how our children will be nurtured and educated.   Not all parents have a connection to organized religion, but all parents want their children to develop a sense of meaning and purpose in life and to be rooted in deeply held values that guide their behavior.   We all hope our children will discover what matters most in life and will put their whole hearts into it.   That is what faith is all about.   Faith is a lifelong journey toward understanding, appreciating and living out one&rsquo;s highest vision of life.   We parents hope our children's faith will deepen and mature with every new life experience...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Family Types: Is Yours Healthy?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2007-01-01T17:06:22-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/df55fea8c8a8ffe5e9e204f3334ed38b-34.php#unique-entry-id-34</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/df55fea8c8a8ffe5e9e204f3334ed38b-34.php#unique-entry-id-34</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Finding a family style that works well can be quite challenging if you or your spouse grew up in an unhealthy family or if you grew up in healthy families that were significantly different.   A better understanding of family types can make the task a bit easier.   In the end, you will know you succeeded if you create a family in which everyone feels understood and loved.   The rest is just a matter of style...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Both Soul Mates and Sole Mates</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2007-02-02T16:57:05-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2a6459d4ea8e2bb5c17bd8f3b5c75e97-33.php#unique-entry-id-33</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/2a6459d4ea8e2bb5c17bd8f3b5c75e97-33.php#unique-entry-id-33</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[I hear a lot of people use the term soul mate to describe their ideal partner&mdash;that special person &ldquo;out there somewhere&rdquo; who can satisfy their needs and desires like no one else and with whom they can live &ldquo;happily ever after.&rdquo;   The soul mate idea is romantic and meaningful, but it can also be misleading...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>How to Stay CALM and IN CHARGE</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2007-04-01T16:51:59-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/138dd445fa1f8a7f465bff843c391ec2-31.php#unique-entry-id-31</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/138dd445fa1f8a7f465bff843c391ec2-31.php#unique-entry-id-31</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Parents have a responsibility to state expectations and set limits for their children&rsquo;s behavior.   I believe these duties are best accomplished in a firm, calm, matter-of-fact way.   The truth is, however, that emotions often get the best of us when we try to carry out our parental duties.   This can result in out-of-control parenting...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Setting Limits Without Spanking</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Early Years</category><dc:date>2007-03-01T16:41:44-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/cc78d43fe6822748bea48906db22e688-28.php#unique-entry-id-28</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/cc78d43fe6822748bea48906db22e688-28.php#unique-entry-id-28</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I never advise using physical punishment, but I&rsquo;m not inclined to criticize parents who occasionally deliver an open handed swat on their child&rsquo;s fanny as long as it doesn&rsquo;t happen more than a few times a year, only if their child is over two and under six, and only if the parents are in control of their own emotions when they swat.   The problem is that most spankers use it as a form of punishment and an outlet for their own anger.   This is a problem for several reasons... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Adjusting to Changes in the Family</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2007-05-01T15:45:25-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/72c8d358fb03c90249354a1c5b8b9380-26.php#unique-entry-id-26</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/72c8d358fb03c90249354a1c5b8b9380-26.php#unique-entry-id-26</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  The meaning of Ryan&rsquo;s message was clear.   He was feeling rejected and alone since his big sister had become a teenager.   I had already noticed our cozy times of family togetherness were yielding to every-man-for-himself assertions of individuality.   At an earlier stage of family development it was safe to assume the whole family would eat dinner together; but now, I often found myself having to coax my daughter into eating with the rest of us.   Now that Summer was a teen, she seemed to prefer any activity with friends to any activity with family...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>What Were You Looking At on the Internet?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2007-06-01T15:36:39-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a5bc44c06030ec2ff9e9a5ca7901e8c1-25.php#unique-entry-id-25</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a5bc44c06030ec2ff9e9a5ca7901e8c1-25.php#unique-entry-id-25</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Now that so many people are exploring their sexual fantasies on the Internet, there are more and more couples trying to figure out what this behavior means to their relationship...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Discerning Your Child&#x2019;s Potential</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>2007-07-01T15:28:57-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c7865c5f429d41c9eb2f4eb39458d9f2-24.php#unique-entry-id-24</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/c7865c5f429d41c9eb2f4eb39458d9f2-24.php#unique-entry-id-24</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Our discernments are important.   If we underestimate our children&rsquo;s potential, we may fail to provide them with the opportunities and support they need to reach their full potential.   It&rsquo;s heartbreaking to see children in unchallenging school placements or &ldquo;sitting the bench&rdquo; when it&rsquo;s obvious they&rsquo;re capable of being on the field.   But if we overestimate our children&rsquo;s potential, we may be setting them up for frustration and failure, putting them into settings where they simply can&rsquo;t compete...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Better Parent and Teen Conversations</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2007-09-01T15:13:50-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/83221410777bb2b6588bd9c9468d72cf-23.php#unique-entry-id-23</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/83221410777bb2b6588bd9c9468d72cf-23.php#unique-entry-id-23</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  A good way to avoid the &ldquo;boring lecture&rdquo; trap is for parents to view their teen&rsquo;s comments and questions as opportunities to revisit their own past in search of fresh new observations and insights to share.   Teens can tell when their parents are willing to explore life alongside them and engage in two-way conversation... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Learning to collaborate with your spouse</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2007-10-01T14:48:27-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f7605cc1d49112ce1da8002345b3ff2b-22.php#unique-entry-id-22</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/f7605cc1d49112ce1da8002345b3ff2b-22.php#unique-entry-id-22</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It&rsquo;s easy to say &ldquo;two heads are better than one,&rdquo; but most of us like it best when our head has the most influence.   But that&rsquo;s not how collaboration works.   Collaboration assumes both spouses have something valuable to contribute.   Both partners must show equal respect for each partner&rsquo;s perspective and a willingness to accept each other&rsquo;s influence...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Revering Our Children</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2007-11-01T14:41:19-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a0a7e4c1b3798be83b0ffdb42a181588-21.php#unique-entry-id-21</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a0a7e4c1b3798be83b0ffdb42a181588-21.php#unique-entry-id-21</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I believe everyone deserves to be respected from birth.   Most of us parents want more than that for our children.   I want my children to feel revered&mdash;to know not only that they have my respect, but also my affection.   I want them to know I am in awe of the extraordinary people they already are and of the extraordinary potential that lies within them.   I think it would be good if all parents revered their children... ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Value of Simple Things</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2007-12-01T14:38:24-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8550d146ff0ac7ccecfd510abcd270a8-20.php#unique-entry-id-20</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/8550d146ff0ac7ccecfd510abcd270a8-20.php#unique-entry-id-20</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  About two weeks after Christmas, I asked the kids which gifts they liked best.   To my surprise, Ryan told me he liked his blue flannel pajamas best, because they were soft and they kept him warm.   Summer surprised me by saying that her favorite presents were the seaweed and the snail we added to her bowl of guppies.   Until that moment, I hadn&rsquo;t realized how much my children valued such simple things...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Relaxed or Walking on Eggshells?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2008-02-01T08:42:48-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/062e4fee82825805565c025c2d7080f3-19.php#unique-entry-id-19</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/062e4fee82825805565c025c2d7080f3-19.php#unique-entry-id-19</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Relationship success is a path, not a destination.   The path of relationship success is paved with acceptance, trust, humility, cooperation and commitment.   It feels totally relaxing to stroll down that path.   In contrast, the path of relationship failure is paved with blame, suspicion, resentment, arrogance and self-centeredness.   Walking that path feels like walking on eggshells...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Fresh Look at Life</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Grandparenting</category><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2008-01-01T08:36:38-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4e2c5324578fd4523eab3498d10a342e-18.php#unique-entry-id-18</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4e2c5324578fd4523eab3498d10a342e-18.php#unique-entry-id-18</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  Fortunately, one of the best sources of positive emotional experiences for adults comes from looking at life through the eyes of children.   It turns out that our own children and grandchildren are one source of the very thing we need to give them what they need.   That comes in handy when our own zest for life is depleted.   I&rsquo;ve found some things in life that no longer excite me or hold my interest can regain some of their original freshness and luster if I view them through the eyes of a child...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Dealing with Money Worries</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2008-04-01T08:25:08-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ffa1c3ec4e083f72e25070e264a5642c-17.php#unique-entry-id-17</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/ffa1c3ec4e083f72e25070e264a5642c-17.php#unique-entry-id-17</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I can say for sure that there were times we didn&rsquo;t worry about money when we had very little and times we did worry about money when we were fairly well off.   My experience has been that money worries are always partially subjective.   That&rsquo;s why I believe that you can&rsquo;t deal effectively with money worries until you look at your situation from different points of view...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Father Reflects on 18 Years of Parenthood</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2008-05-01T08:20:50-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/46945a3d874de9adea7fc9ec5806cc19-16.php#unique-entry-id-16</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/46945a3d874de9adea7fc9ec5806cc19-16.php#unique-entry-id-16</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  It seems I took my eyes from the nursery window only a moment; now I look again, and you are a young woman.   Eighteen years old, you are poised for yet another giant step into your future.   And I, once again, find myself staring in awe, trying to fathom the miracle, which you are.   And I think back upon the promises made long ago...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Families in Business Together</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2008-06-01T08:16:11-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b8e2b0fa4cebe026b570ff87f6df7f3d-15.php#unique-entry-id-15</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/b8e2b0fa4cebe026b570ff87f6df7f3d-15.php#unique-entry-id-15</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[When a family owns and operates a business, family issues and business issues intertwine making it necessary to consider both the needs of family and the needs of the business whenever any problems arise...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Praise Children Wisely</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><category>Child Development</category><dc:date>2008-07-06T08:08:46-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0c0ebec9cbe9024b7eae3c541c576775-14.php#unique-entry-id-14</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0c0ebec9cbe9024b7eae3c541c576775-14.php#unique-entry-id-14</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  In general, praise is good for children and you can&rsquo;t overdo it with infants and toddlers.   But with older children, it&rsquo;s wise to curb your praise a bit some of the time, so that they can better enjoy the inner satisfaction that comes from knowing they&rsquo;ve done a good thing.   But that&rsquo;s only one reason to hand out praise in moderation...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Remedy for Morning Mystery Illness</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2008-09-01T16:58:51-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4a8775f4808a1f67d300278d4c95adf2-13.php#unique-entry-id-13</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/4a8775f4808a1f67d300278d4c95adf2-13.php#unique-entry-id-13</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Children sometimes get sick at the most inconvenient times.   Typically it&rsquo;s on a school day and you&rsquo;re already running late for work or an appointment, when right in the midst of the morning get-up-and-get-going frenzy, your sweet little cherub looks up at you and announces, &ldquo;Mommy (Daddy), I don&rsquo;t feel good.&rdquo;...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Making Do</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2009-03-01T16:51:39-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/14e8f2bf89b66fc1740afff58db3b656-12.php#unique-entry-id-12</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/14e8f2bf89b66fc1740afff58db3b656-12.php#unique-entry-id-12</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  We&rsquo;re all going to have to adjust our expectations and figure out how to &ldquo;make do&rdquo; with less.   Rather than see &ldquo;making do&rdquo; as a bad thing, I propose that we all view it as an opportunity to expand our creativity, flexibility, and resourcefulness...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Unwrapping Giftedness&#xd;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2009-04-01T16:44:09-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a48b2cd06131ddbc5f6f1b4a28e5ae03-11.php#unique-entry-id-11</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/a48b2cd06131ddbc5f6f1b4a28e5ae03-11.php#unique-entry-id-11</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[When my children were young, I was always on the lookout for any indication they might be gifted.   After all, if they were gifted, I didn&rsquo;t want to miss an opportunity to help them unwrap their gift...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Starting a Manners and Morals Conversation&#xd;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Teen Years</category><dc:date>2009-05-01T16:38:37-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/46e307297a3b0b3fc3d75306dcfc5f9e-10.php#unique-entry-id-10</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/46e307297a3b0b3fc3d75306dcfc5f9e-10.php#unique-entry-id-10</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Children get informal lessons in manners and morals every day.   If Mom describes someone&rsquo;s grocery store behavior as &ldquo;inconsiderate&rdquo; because they block the aisle with their shopping cart, that&rsquo;s a mini-lesson in manners.   If Dad says, &ldquo;That&rsquo;s wrong&rdquo; when he discovers his parked car is damaged and no one left a note, it&rsquo;s a mini-lesson in morality.   But what if Mom or Dad intentionally decides to start up a conversation with the children about manners or morals?   There may be little interest shown, especially if the children are teens...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Lesson in Humility&#xd;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2009-06-01T16:33:59-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bd1bdddbe5b9efbbf59955f87a2d8ae8-9.php#unique-entry-id-9</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/bd1bdddbe5b9efbbf59955f87a2d8ae8-9.php#unique-entry-id-9</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  That little pillow means the world to me because of the life it represents; but before anyone else can know the significance of the pillow, I must tell the story behind it.   So it is also with men like my father&mdash;men of profound humility&mdash;who rarely say much about themselves.   It often falls to someone else to tell their story so that others can understand their significance.   This Father&rsquo;s Day, I&rsquo;d like to share a couple of stories that reveal the character of a humble man I was blessed to know as &ldquo;Dad.&rdquo;...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Everybody Needs a Good Fantasy&#xd;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2009-07-01T16:28:26-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/896571fb9e4bdc72bf3511e05028730a-8.php#unique-entry-id-8</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/896571fb9e4bdc72bf3511e05028730a-8.php#unique-entry-id-8</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Everybody needs a good fantasy.   If it wasn&rsquo;t for my surfing fantasies, I might not have moved all the way to California for graduate school; and I probably wouldn&rsquo;t have risked leaving Washington State to start all over in Southern California.   Those efforts were, in part, fueled by dreams of sunshine and perfect waves.   Fantasies are great motivators as long as you: 1) know when to keep them to yourself and 2) don&rsquo;t let them totally warp your sense of reality...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Is My Child Ready for School?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2009-08-01T16:25:25-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0ff630a591e74db736388fa6f57fc625-7.php#unique-entry-id-7</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/0ff630a591e74db736388fa6f57fc625-7.php#unique-entry-id-7</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Parents decide when to start their children in school.   Most make the choice based on school district age guidelines.   But what if parents aren&rsquo;t sure their child is ready?   It can be a tough call to make as my wife and I found out...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A Wife is Not a Television</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2009-09-01T12:18:33-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/fed45c823d7e19e51883fe48decf760e-5.php#unique-entry-id-5</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/fed45c823d7e19e51883fe48decf760e-5.php#unique-entry-id-5</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Everyone knows you shouldn&rsquo;t treat a person like a thing.   Nevertheless, it&rsquo;s hard to escape the influence of consumerism in our society.   Consumer attitudes and expectations can harm important relationships if we&rsquo;re not careful...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Outgrowing Childhood Roles</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Child Development</category><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2009-10-01T11:12:11-07:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/947be60ae7ddd03a557e0e8dd82a16f3-4.php#unique-entry-id-4</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/947be60ae7ddd03a557e0e8dd82a16f3-4.php#unique-entry-id-4</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[When my daughter was 11 years old, she showed a keen interest in supervising her 9-year-old brother.   Summer played the role of &ldquo;the responsible older sister,&rdquo; vigilantly hovering over her little brother.   Ryan played the complementary role of &ldquo;the forgetful little brother.&rdquo;   Summer&rsquo;s eagerness to be her brother&rsquo;s keeper made me uneasy at times, but I often found myself reinforcing their respective roles.   This is how it went one afternoon:]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Gatherings that help everybody &#x201c;feel like family&#x201d;</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Family Life - General</category><dc:date>2009-11-01T18:48:32-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/507994acbb5ae16025d91398f4a5c65c-3.php#unique-entry-id-3</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/507994acbb5ae16025d91398f4a5c65c-3.php#unique-entry-id-3</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Family gatherings strengthen feelings of identity and belonging, but parents don&rsquo;t always agree on the kind of family gatherings they want to provide for their children.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Truth About Santa</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - Middle Years</category><dc:date>2009-12-01T18:41:38-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1cd18ed41224b265ab380ca49bacef89-2.php#unique-entry-id-2</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1cd18ed41224b265ab380ca49bacef89-2.php#unique-entry-id-2</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[If you raise your children to believe in Santa Claus, will they stop trusting you when they learn the truth?   Will they wonder what else Mom and Dad have been fibbing about?   Not likely.   Children perceive truth differently than adults.   I learned that lesson from my son, Ryan, when he was six years old...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Should You Trust Science or Grandma?</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Parenting - General</category><dc:date>2010-01-01T18:33:29-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/fa99f9f4d8491dd9d0091356bad6878e-1.php#unique-entry-id-1</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/fa99f9f4d8491dd9d0091356bad6878e-1.php#unique-entry-id-1</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[...  I believe it&rsquo;s safe to assume that neither scientists nor Grandma would lie to you, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean the information each offers is always accurate.   You still need to carefully weigh all the information you get before making your own parenting decisions.   Why?   Let me remind you of a few facts about parenting science and grandma wisdom...]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Final Chore</title><dc:creator>steve@stevemeineke.com</dc:creator><category>Couples &#x26; Marriage</category><dc:date>2010-02-01T18:04:41-08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1647ad9ebf6e14384afe7e06ffe6bc13-0.php#unique-entry-id-0</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.familyessayist.com/family_essays_files/1647ad9ebf6e14384afe7e06ffe6bc13-0.php#unique-entry-id-0</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(For Valentine's Day)...  Parenting uses up time and energy&hellip;as does working&hellip;as does maintaining a house&hellip;as does staying in touch with family and friends&hellip;as does...well, you can fill in the rest.   No wonder parents have ever growing &ldquo;to do&rdquo; lists.   I want to point out one activity that often gets pushed to the bottom of the &ldquo;to do&rdquo; list, but which belongs near the top for any couple wanting to make it through the parenting years with their sanity and marriage intact...]]></content:encoded></item></channel>
</rss>
