Child Development
Blame it on "Face"
...The saga of Face began with the idea of preparing
my granddaughter for a new sibling. I thought an
imaginary friend could help Bri practice sharing and
cooperative play. I had no idea my teaching method
would end up demonstrating that both two-year-old
children and sixty-year-old grandfathers have a
similar capacity for jealousy and
blame...Complete
essay available upon request
Outgrowing Childhood Roles
When my daughter was 11 years old, she showed a keen
interest in supervising her 9-year-old brother.
Summer played the role of “the responsible older
sister,” vigilantly hovering over her little brother.
Ryan played the complementary role of “the forgetful
little brother.” Summer’s eagerness to be her
brother’s keeper made me uneasy at times, but I often
found myself reinforcing their respective roles. This
is how it went one afternoon...Complete
essay available upon request
Is My Child Ready for School?
Parents decide when to start their children in
school. Most make the choice based on school district
age guidelines. But what if parents aren’t sure their
child is ready? It can be a tough call to make as my
wife and I found out...Complete
essay available upon request
Unwrapping Giftedness
When my children were young, I was always on the
lookout for any indication they might be gifted.
After all, if they were gifted, I didn’t want to miss
an opportunity to help them unwrap their
gift...Complete
essay available upon request
Praise Children Wisely
...In general, praise is good for children and you
can’t overdo it with infants and toddlers. But with
older children, it’s wise to curb your praise a bit
some of the time, so that they can better enjoy the
inner satisfaction that comes from knowing they’ve
done a good thing. But that’s only one reason to hand
out praise in moderation...Complete
essay available upon request
Discerning Your Child’s Potential
...Our discernments are important. If we
underestimate our children’s potential, we may fail
to provide them with the opportunities and support
they need to reach their full potential. It’s
heartbreaking to see children in unchallenging school
placements or “sitting the bench” when it’s obvious
they’re capable of being on the field. But if we
overestimate our children’s potential, we may be
setting them up for frustration and failure, putting
them into settings where they simply can’t
compete...Complete
essay available upon request
Adjusting to Changes in the Family
...The meaning of Ryan’s message was clear. He was
feeling rejected and alone since his big sister had
become a teenager. I had already noticed our cozy
times of family togetherness were yielding to
every-man-for-himself assertions of individuality. At
an earlier stage of family development it was safe to
assume the whole family would eat dinner together;
but now, I often found myself having to coax my
daughter into eating with the rest of us. Now that
Summer was a teen, she seemed to prefer any activity
with friends to any activity with
family...Complete
essay available upon request
Raising Trophy Children…Accidentally
...Our goal was to raise well-adjusted children who:
1) felt good about themselves and their
accomplishments 2) felt free to pursue their
interests and talents as they emerged 3) treated
others as friends rather than competitors. Despite
our non-competitive parenting attitudes, both
children were and are quite successful...Complete
essay available upon request
How Divorce Affects Children
...If your parents divorced during your childhood,
even if you grew up to be a happy and successful
adult, you may still sense a difference between you
and your peers whose parents stayed married. It’s a
difference you may find hard to put into
words...Complete
essay available upon request
When Tears Are a Badge of Honor
...Parenthood is filled with brief moments of
sadness. Mostly it’s a sweet sadness, born of love
and affection, but it’s sadness nonetheless. I think
it’s best for parents to view that sadness as a
perfectly normal reaction but one that comes with a
warning label. The label reads: Warning. Watching
a child grow up may cause temporary sadness. If this
occurs and you are unable to comfort yourself, please
seek comfort from other adults. Under no
circumstances should you turn to that child for
comfort as this has been known to result in a slowing
of the natural growing up process...Complete
essay available upon request
Goodbye Summer, Hello Summer
...It wasn’t easy to cope with losing my daughter to
her peer group. I liked the old feeling when Summer
used to hang on my every word. After she turned 13, I
just got left hanging. I liked it better when I held
celebrity status with my daughter, before I became a
persona non grata as long as there was a 13-year-old
within sight. I knew this change was absolutely
normal, natural and necessary, but I didn’t like it a
bit. I missed the days when Summer would go anywhere
and do anything just to be with me...Complete
essay available upon request
Father vs. Son Competition
...Dad really wanted that point. For his courageous
effort, he only managed to dink the ball back over. I
put it away with authority. My point. Dad picked
himself up, tar covered pebbles falling from bloodied
impressions on his elbows and knees. The look on his
face—a resigned smile—told me something had changed
between us. That day, on the tennis court, I was his
father. But I was better prepared for my victory than
for Dad's defeat. I felt great and terrible,
triumphant and afraid...Complete
essay available upon request
Buying Clothes for Your Kids
...And so with tongue in cheek, I invite you to take
heed and remember these developmental stages of
children and their clothing. Some of you could end up
saving money during the back-to-school-clothes buying
season.
Stage 1 (birth to 3 years old): Your children will wear anything you put on them. Enjoy dressing them while you can.
Stage 2 (ages 3-5): Although your children have clothing preferences, they will still wear the things you pick out—but only if you beg.
Stage 3 (ages 5-7): Your children have definite clothing preferences. You will end up donating unworn clothes to local charities if you don’t take your kids shopping with you.
Stage 4 (ages 7+): Your children’s clothing preferences are generally predictable—they want to wear whatever their friends wear. Try to convince all the parents in your area to shop somewhere inexpensive...Complete essay available upon request
Stage 1 (birth to 3 years old): Your children will wear anything you put on them. Enjoy dressing them while you can.
Stage 2 (ages 3-5): Although your children have clothing preferences, they will still wear the things you pick out—but only if you beg.
Stage 3 (ages 5-7): Your children have definite clothing preferences. You will end up donating unworn clothes to local charities if you don’t take your kids shopping with you.
Stage 4 (ages 7+): Your children’s clothing preferences are generally predictable—they want to wear whatever their friends wear. Try to convince all the parents in your area to shop somewhere inexpensive...Complete essay available upon request
Who’s the Smartest?
...As much as parents do our best not to compare one
child with another, we can’t prevent them from making
their own comparisons. It’s unrealistic to pretend
there aren’t differences between children; but how
can we acknowledge those differences without
diminishing either child?...Complete
essay available upon request
Traits of a Healthy Family (a 3-part series)
(2,600 words in 3 parts)...In every healthy family
there is a natural tension that results from the
family’s attempt to meet two basic needs: 1) People
need togetherness; every healthy family tries to
create a stable place of belonging for each member.
2) People also need separateness; every healthy
family tries to find ways to enrich and extend itself
by encouraging independence and sending individual
members out into the world. The tension that exists
between the forces of togetherness and
separateness—between family belonging and individual
freedom—is perfectly normal and natural. I use the
images of roots and wings to describe it. Roots
suggest togetherness and belonging, and wings suggest
the need for separateness and individual expression.
Healthy families offer roots and wings…Complete
essay available upon request
Loving Children For Who They Are
It's only natural for parents to wonder what their
children will be like when they grow up; so when a
child's personality and habits aren't quite what mom
and dad expected, they may worry. I've talked with
parents who were concerned that their child spends
too much time playing alone in his room; and I've
talked with parents who were concerned that their
child doesn't spend enough time playing alone.
Parents sometimes get worried if their younger child
doesn't act like his or her older sibling did at the
same age. And, occasionally I'll see a parent who
panics when their child exhibits some personality
quirk which reminds them of something they don't like
about themselves. Since there's no sure fire way to
distinguish between a budding behavior problem and a
budding personality characteristic, it's only natural
for parents to be concerned...Complete
essay available upon request
Nurturing Teen Spirituality
...Teen spirituality doesn’t distinguish clearly
between the symbol and what it symbolizes, between
the tradition and what it celebrates. To teens, the
symbol and the tradition is the reality. Images,
symbols and traditions carry great power whether
connected to the family, religion, or even the high
school football team. Defending family beliefs and
practices with rational arguments misses the point.
Teen spirituality, like that of young children, is
still about belonging more than ideas—it’s about
making connections with others...Complete
essay available upon request
Nurturing Children's Spirituality
...Spiritual growth comes in stages, just like
physical or intellectual growth. Children's spiritual
foundations are formed in infancy, even before
language. Parents can provide a solid spiritual
foundation simply by being sensitive and responsive
to their infant's needs. When infant's needs are met,
they overcome their fears of abandonment,
inconsistency or deprivation. Simple love and care
provides a basis for hope...As children near their
second birthdays, feeling-filled images, representing
the protective and threatening forces in life, take
root in their minds. (Is there any parent of a
three-year-old who hasn't dealt with monsters in the
closet?) At this stage, symbols and stories feed
children's active imaginations. Young children have
equal opportunity imaginations—they don't distinguish
between literal and symbolic truths. Images of
monsters, tooth fairies or God will take hold just as
easily as those of dogs, grandmas or basketball
players...Complete
essay available upon request
Stages of Emotional Development
As much as I value scholarly research and writing, it
can be complex and confusing; so I’ve decided to
provide a very simple guide to help parents identify
their child’s stage of emotional development. The
guide is based on my belief that each developmental
stage elicits a particular response in
parents...Complete
essay available upon request
A Very Embarrassing Christmas Eve
...Children seem to have a sixth sense about the
timing of their exclamations; they always hit at
precisely the most embarrassing possible moment. And
as early as they can talk in sentences, children
choose the most embarrassing words to say at that
precisely timed moment. We experienced parents have
all felt the glare of the public eye cast upon us
when our little ones deliver their
exclamations...Complete
essay available upon request
