Parenting - Early Years
Blame it on "Face"
...The saga of Face began with the idea of preparing
my granddaughter for a new sibling. I thought an
imaginary friend could help Bri practice sharing and
cooperative play. I had no idea my teaching method
would end up demonstrating that both two-year-old
children and sixty-year-old grandfathers have a
similar capacity for jealousy and
blame...Complete
essay available upon request
Setting Limits Without Spanking
...I never advise using physical punishment, but I’m
not inclined to criticize parents who occasionally
deliver an open handed swat on their child’s fanny as
long as it doesn’t happen more than a few times a
year, only if their child is over two and under six,
and only if the parents are in control of their own
emotions when they swat. The problem is that most
spankers use it as a form of punishment and an outlet
for their own anger. This is a problem for several
reasons... Complete
essay available upon request
What's in a Name?
Our newborn daughter was still nameless. The nurses
said my wife and I had to pick out
something…anything…because they didn’t let babies go
home from the hospital without names on their birth
certificates. In room 308 B, Susan and I sat in
anxious silence...Complete
essay available upon request
When Fathers Turn Fun into Fear
...Some fathers intentionally push their sons to the
edge of fear, hoping the experience will be memorable
and aid the development of courage. But engaging
children in this way can have negative consequences.
To point out some of the possible negative
consequences, I offer this fictional letter, written
from the point of view of a young son...Complete
essay available upon request
Visiting the Doctor
...Summer brought along her toy doctor’s kit to her
next appointment. Before her own examination, which
we knew would include a vaccination, Summer gave Dr.
Ban the full treatment. He bravely let Summer give
him a “shot” with her big yellow plastic syringe. Not
surprisingly, Summer’s own examination and
vaccination went equally well...Complete
essay available upon request
And Baby Makes Three
...We parents really do fall in love with our babies.
The intense feelings of loving closeness help us
endure the stress of meeting baby's needs, but also
may cause us to lose sight of other important needs.
We also need to take care of ourselves and our
marriages. Once baby arrives, however, it can be
quite a challenge to find "quality time" for
ourselves or for our marriages. For new parents,
finding "quality time" for themselves will be a
challenge they to face for many years...Complete
essay available upon request
When the Best is Good Enough
...Every generation of experienced parents can tell
similar child care stories, and like it or not, odds
are that the expert advice you follow today will one
day be abandoned in favor of something else. So,
here’s my advice from the perspective of a father and
family therapist: Just relax and do the best you can.
Don’t beat yourselves up if you can’t manage to
follow every piece of child care advice you hear from
the experts; it’s more important to keep your own
anxiety from spinning out of control. Emotions are
contagious. Anxious parents will tend to raise
anxious children. Simply do the best you can, then
let the rest go... Complete
essay available upon request
Nurturing Children's Spirituality
...Spiritual growth comes in stages, just like
physical or intellectual growth. Children's spiritual
foundations are formed in infancy, even before
language. Parents can provide a solid spiritual
foundation simply by being sensitive and responsive
to their infant's needs. When infant's needs are met,
they overcome their fears of abandonment,
inconsistency or deprivation. Simple love and care
provides a basis for hope...As children near their
second birthdays, feeling-filled images, representing
the protective and threatening forces in life, take
root in their minds. (Is there any parent of a
three-year-old who hasn't dealt with monsters in the
closet?) At this stage, symbols and stories feed
children's active imaginations. Young children have
equal opportunity imaginations—they don't distinguish
between literal and symbolic truths. Images of
monsters, tooth fairies or God will take hold just as
easily as those of dogs, grandmas or basketball
players...Complete
essay available upon request
Raising Responsible Children
...Although children are born with the ability to
make messes, they’re not born with the ability to act
responsibly. Mix any two-year-old with a big box of
ribbon and you’ll get the same results we got. This
is nothing for parents to be surprised by or upset
about. But don’t expect your two year old to
straighten up his messes without being instructed. It
takes a higher level of maturity to recognize the
benefits of a picked-up house and organized
possessions. And it takes a higher level of maturity
to recognize that it isn’t fair to make a mess and
leave it for someone else to clean up. Young children
don’t have this level of maturity...Complete
essay available upon request
Surviving the First Day of School
...The first day of school is a major letting-go
experience for parents. On that day, parents wear
their ambivalence like PTA nametags. If I hold on too
long, will my child think school is something scary?
If I let go too soon, will my child think I don't
care about his fears? Sometimes a perfunctory hug and
hurried departure is followed by a dam-burst of tears
once Mom is alone in the car. Sometimes brightly
spoken words of encouragement are followed by
moist-eyed backward glances as Dad tries to catch one
last look at fresh clean clothes and brand new
sneakers disappearing behind the school bus door.
Letting go is excruciatingly painful—and absolutely
necessary...Complete
essay available upon request
"He’s With You, Isn’t He?"
...I am, by nature and training, able to remain calm
in most emotionally charged situations; but when a
careful search of the immediate area failed to turn
up little Ryan, unsettling emotions started welling
up inside me. The longer we searched unsuccessfully,
the more I feared something awful happened. Did
someone take my child?... Complete
essay available upon request
A Very Embarrassing Christmas Eve
...Children seem to have a sixth sense about the
timing of their exclamations; they always hit at
precisely the most embarrassing possible moment. And
as early as they can talk in sentences, children
choose the most embarrassing words to say at that
precisely timed moment. We experienced parents have
all felt the glare of the public eye cast upon us
when our little ones deliver their
exclamations...Complete
essay available upon request
Options: Every Little Girl Needs a Truck
...When our daughter, Summer, was born, Susan and I
decided that we would expose her to things typically
associated with boys as well as things typically
associated with girls. We wanted our daughter to be
able to choose from a variety of options—not just
those considered appropriate for girls in our
society. Susan and I didn't want society's notions to
limit Summer...Complete
essay available upon request
Lessons Learned from Pinocchio
...Self-discovery is a lifelong process. One of the
most exciting stages is when our children reach about
four years of age and begin to develop
self-awareness. Before then, as infants, children are
more puppet-like, acting and being acted upon without
conscious reflection. With the "terrible two's,"
independence and choice making increase, but are
motivated by the desire to get what they want. They
live in a Pleasure Island world. Two and
three-year-olds can't fully understand Mom's and
Dad's Jiminy Cricket-like appeals for civility and
responsibility...Complete
essay available upon request
No Dragons Allowed
..."Oh, I know what you need then," I said with
authority as I ran out of Ryan's room. I grabbed the
first piece of paper I saw, folded in into a small
square, then quickly drew a picture of a dragon on
it...I drew a full circle around the dragon and a
heavy line across it, like on the street signs. I ran
back into his room. "Here Ryan, look at this—NO
DRAGONS ALLOWED! Take this sign to bed with you and
it should take care of those scary
dreams."...Complete
essay available upon request
