Parenting - General
One Marriage…Two Faiths
…Mixed-faith couples don’t marry thinking religious
differences will ever become a point of contention.
Nevertheless, some studies estimate the divorce rate
among mixed-faith couples to be three times higher
than average. I believe mixed-faith couples can
succeed at marriage as long as there is appreciation
and respect for each other’s beliefs and traditions
and a desire to cultivate a couple and family
identity that embraces both faiths…
Complete essay available upon request
Complete essay available upon request
A Little Craziness Relieves Stress
...When Bri and I were dancing and singing to
“Surfin’ Bird,” I was momentarily free from the
stresses of my life and Bri was learning that it’s OK
for people of all ages to engage in an occasional
spontaneous outburst of enthusiasm. A little
craziness not only relieves stress, it adds joy to
life. Even better, it can wear down a three-year-old
to the point of taking a nap...Complete
essay available upon request
Living With Differences
My son and I are different in some fundamental ways.
For one thing, I’m often slow to make decisions,
because I’m always searching for more ideas and
information. Ryan is usually quick to make decisions
based on whatever ideas and information he has at the
moment. Over the years, Ryan and I have learned to
manage those differences in ways that benefit us
both...Complete
essay available upon request
Spare Yourself Needless Worry
If I could go back in time, there are some things I’d
like to say to my younger self to spare him from
needless worry. Younger Steve needlessly worried
about many things, including his children’s teeth,
toes, fingers and eyes...Complete
essay available upon request
Should You Trust Science or Grandma?
...I believe it’s safe to assume that neither
scientists nor Grandma would lie to you, but that
doesn’t mean the information each offers is always
accurate. You still need to carefully weigh all the
information you get before making your own parenting
decisions. Why? Let me remind you of a few facts
about parenting science and grandma
wisdom...Complete
essay available upon request
Outgrowing Childhood Roles
When my daughter was 11 years old, she showed a keen
interest in supervising her 9-year-old brother.
Summer played the role of “the responsible older
sister,” vigilantly hovering over her little brother.
Ryan played the complementary role of “the forgetful
little brother.” Summer’s eagerness to be her
brother’s keeper made me uneasy at times, but I often
found myself reinforcing their respective roles. This
is how it went one afternoon...Complete
essay available upon request
A Lesson in Humility
...That little pillow means the world to me because
of the life it represents; but before anyone else can
know the significance of the pillow, I must tell the
story behind it. So it is also with men like my
father—men of profound humility—who rarely say much
about themselves. It often falls to someone else to
tell their story so that others can understand their
significance. This Father’s Day, I’d like to share a
couple of stories that reveal the character of a
humble man I was blessed to know as
“Dad.”...Complete
essay available upon request
Unwrapping Giftedness
When my children were young, I was always on the
lookout for any indication they might be gifted.
After all, if they were gifted, I didn’t want to miss
an opportunity to help them unwrap their
gift...Complete
essay available upon request
Praise Children Wisely
...In general, praise is good for children and you
can’t overdo it with infants and toddlers. But with
older children, it’s wise to curb your praise a bit
some of the time, so that they can better enjoy the
inner satisfaction that comes from knowing they’ve
done a good thing. But that’s only one reason to hand
out praise in moderation...Complete
essay available upon request
A Father Reflects on 18 Years of Parenthood
...It seems I took my eyes from the nursery window
only a moment; now I look again, and you are a young
woman. Eighteen years old, you are poised for yet
another giant step into your future. And I, once
again, find myself staring in awe, trying to fathom
the miracle, which you are. And I think back upon the
promises made long ago...Complete
essay available upon request
The Value of Simple Things
...About two weeks after Christmas, I asked the kids
which gifts they liked best. To my surprise, Ryan
told me he liked his blue flannel pajamas best,
because they were soft and they kept him warm. Summer
surprised me by saying that her favorite presents
were the seaweed and the snail we added to her bowl
of guppies. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how
much my children valued such simple
things...Complete
essay available upon request
Revering Our Children
...I believe everyone deserves to be respected from
birth. Most of us parents want more than that for our
children. I want my children to feel revered—to know
not only that they have my respect, but also my
affection. I want them to know I am in awe of the
extraordinary people they already are and of the
extraordinary potential that lies within them. I
think it would be good if all parents revered their
children... Complete
essay available upon request
Discerning Your Child’s Potential
...Our discernments are important. If we
underestimate our children’s potential, we may fail
to provide them with the opportunities and support
they need to reach their full potential. It’s
heartbreaking to see children in unchallenging school
placements or “sitting the bench” when it’s obvious
they’re capable of being on the field. But if we
overestimate our children’s potential, we may be
setting them up for frustration and failure, putting
them into settings where they simply can’t
compete...Complete
essay available upon request
How to Stay CALM and IN CHARGE
...Parents have a responsibility to state
expectations and set limits for their children’s
behavior. I believe these duties are best
accomplished in a firm, calm, matter-of-fact way. The
truth is, however, that emotions often get the best
of us when we try to carry out our parental duties.
This can result in out-of-control
parenting...Complete
essay available upon request
Will Our Children Have Faith?
(1,690 words)...We parents decide how our children
will be nurtured and educated. Not all parents have a
connection to organized religion, but all parents
want their children to develop a sense of meaning and
purpose in life and to be rooted in deeply held
values that guide their behavior. We all hope our
children will discover what matters most in life and
will put their whole hearts into it. That is what
faith is all about. Faith is a lifelong journey
toward understanding, appreciating and living out
one’s highest vision of life. We parents hope
our children's faith will deepen and mature with
every new life experience...Complete
essay available upon request
Raising Trophy Children…Accidentally
...Our goal was to raise well-adjusted children who:
1) felt good about themselves and their
accomplishments 2) felt free to pursue their
interests and talents as they emerged 3) treated
others as friends rather than competitors. Despite
our non-competitive parenting attitudes, both
children were and are quite successful...Complete
essay available upon request
What's in a Name?
Our newborn daughter was still nameless. The nurses
said my wife and I had to pick out
something…anything…because they didn’t let babies go
home from the hospital without names on their birth
certificates. In room 308 B, Susan and I sat in
anxious silence...Complete
essay available upon request
In Appreciation of Fathers
I started appreciating my father more than ever after
I became a father myself. Recently I’ve come to
understand what it must have been like for Dad as he
watched me prepare to leave home for
good...Complete
essay available upon request
Getting From Rules to Moral Character
...The path to moral character is never straight and
is paved with stones that will cause our children to
stumble at times. That’s why it’s important for us to
stand by ready to offer whatever help is needed to
get them through the difficult times. Sometimes we
need to pull out the old rulebook and remind them of
our family expectations; and sometimes we need to sit
back and trust that our children’s inner guidance
system will redirect them without our intervention.
Knowing when to “lay down the law” and when to “back
off” is the mark of a skilled parent...Complete
essay available upon request
TV or Not TV: Is That the Question?
...But by the time Summer was 13 and Ryan was 10,
Susan and I were concerned about the number of hours
they sat in front of the TV. Would television destroy
their desire to read? Should we pull the plug on the
boob tube? Susan and I decided to monitor our family
viewing habits for a week so we’d have some data for
our deliberations...Complete
essay available upon request
Letting Children Be Children
...Although parents receive many benefits from their
children, it is not the job of children to take care
of their parents, at least not during the growing up
years. Children whose parents depend too much on them
end up taking on adult roles prematurely and miss out
on their own childhoods. They never get to relax and
just be kids. Family therapists sometimes refer to
these adult-like children as parental or companionate
children...Complete
essay available upon request
Inspiring Children with Personal Stories
...My beloved Sunday School teacher was one of those
people who survived on the edge of poverty. Bertha
lived on a street that flooded regularly when the
Ohio River spilled its banks, giving her modest
unpainted clapboard house the patina of driftwood.
Bertha lacked much formal education and dressed like
many other women in that part of town, in simple
cotton dresses, with her oily-slick hair pulled back
tightly in a ponytail. But the most important thing
about Bertha was that she was sweet and kind, always
ready with a warm smile and encouraging words. Her
life was dedicated to helping those people she called
the “less fortunate”...Complete
essay available upon request
A Relationship Called Forgiveness
...Genuine forgiveness doesn't draw a sharp
distinction between who is doing the forgiving and
who is the one being forgiven because it recognizes
that few situations are so black and white that
anyone is 100 percent without fault. Only the
forgiven can forgive. Genuine forgiving always
involves one forgiven human being standing in
fellowship with another forgiven human being. It
requires humility. It mends broken relationships by
reminding everyone involved of their own fallibility
and need for one another’s compassion and
love...Complete
essay available upon request
When Tears Are a Badge of Honor
...Parenthood is filled with brief moments of
sadness. Mostly it’s a sweet sadness, born of love
and affection, but it’s sadness nonetheless. I think
it’s best for parents to view that sadness as a
perfectly normal reaction but one that comes with a
warning label. The label reads: Warning. Watching
a child grow up may cause temporary sadness. If this
occurs and you are unable to comfort yourself, please
seek comfort from other adults. Under no
circumstances should you turn to that child for
comfort as this has been known to result in a slowing
of the natural growing up process...Complete
essay available upon request
Helping Children Develop Moral Character
I first began posing moral questions to my children
when they were young. Sometimes my questions were
prompted by real situations in our lives, but often
they came up as a result of watching TV shows or
movies together. A moral dilemma would present itself
and I’d ask the kids: Do you think that’s right? What
do you think is the best thing to do in that
situation? My questions were a way of drawing out and
reinforcing the moral wisdom I believed they—like all
children—naturally possessed...Complete
essay available upon request
Rediscovering the Gift of Parenthood
...Such experiences taught me that the simple act of
watching my children from a distance could renew my
parenting energy. From a distance it was easy to see
the preciousness and beauty of their young lives.
From a distance I could see what an honor it was to
be entrusted with their care. From a distance
parenting didn’t look like a chore, it looked like a
gift...Complete
essay available upon request
Matter-of-Fact Parenting
...I believe a matter-of-fact approach keeps parents
from getting caught in a web of negative emotion with
their children. Emotions are contagious. When parents
strongly react to their children’s negative behavior
with fear or anger they wind up delivering long
speeches or making accusations and threats. This is
not only upsetting for everyone; it is also
ineffective. I believe effective parenting involves
1) common sense 2) observations and comments spoken
in a calm matter-of-fact tone, and 3) positive
encouragement...Complete
essay available upon request
When Being Helpful Isn’t Helpful
...Was I being self-centered? Uncaring? Unsupportive?
Perhaps. But if you try too hard to be a good parent,
you can miss important opportunities to teach your
children responsible self-dependence. How can you
expect your children to learn how to take care of
themselves if you never give them a chance?...
Complete
essay available upon request
Helping Your Family Stick Together
Children (and grownups too) want to know: Who am I?
Where do I come from? To whom do I belong? These are
weighty questions, but parents don’t need to be
theologians or philosophers to respond helpfully.
When children wonder about identity and belonging,
they are usually concerned more about their place in
the family than their place in the cosmos. You can
help them feel more secure about who they are and
where they belong by telling them your family story.
Here are some thoughts and ideas to help
you...Complete
essay available upon request
Dare to Dream: But Keep Both Feet on the Ground
...It’s normal for parents to flash back to their own
childhood struggles when they see their children
struggling with similar challenges. But I think we
should continually remind ourselves that our children
are not just smaller younger versions of ourselves.
In order to make sure we see our children for who
they really are, we need to be able to see past our
own childhood experiences...Complete
essay available upon request
The Importance of Family Rituals
...Even though we sometimes went out for ice cream
other than at report card time, those outings were
never special like the times we went to Baskin
Robbins to celebrate the end of a grading period. I
am absolutely convinced that one reason my children
did well in school is because they felt part of a
family that cared about education and regularly
celebrated that family value every time we conducted
the report card/ice cream ritual...Complete
essay available upon request
Parenting Styles: Optimistic, Pessimistic or Realistic?
...I try to find a balance between my natural
optimism and natural pessimism about human nature.
Whenever possible, I try to be optimistic and make it
clear to my children that I anticipate the positive.
Children thrive on the positive. I resist pessimism,
but I know that my children won’t always do the right
thing and it is my job to provide them with limits
and guidance...Complete
essay available upon request
Encouraging Ambition and Creativity
...Our everyday interactions with our children can
encourage or discourage their ambition and
creativity. Every time they come to us with some idea
they find exciting, we can turn toward them,
turn away from them or turn against
them. When Summer came to me with her shaved ice
treat maximizing idea, I teetered dangerously at the
brink of turning away from or against
her...Complete
essay available upon request
The Importance of Sharing Your Convictions
...As I picked up the phone to tell Ryan the
heartbreaking news about his beloved Granny, I
wondered what Ryan would be thinking and feeling as
he drove to the hospital. How would he react when he
saw his Granny, who had cooked him dinner just two
days before, so very close to death? Had I prepared
Ryan for such a moment? Ryan and I talked about many
things over the years, but had we talked about death?
Did Ryan know my deepest convictions? Would that
knowledge strengthen him?...Complete
essay available upon request
Coping Skills for Stressful Times
...Look for signs of trauma related stress in your
children. Pre-school age children may become more
clingy, begin following you around the house, want to
be held more than usual, or increase their resistance
to being left with a babysitter. Previously outgrown
behaviors may reappear, such as thumb sucking,
bedwetting or baby talk. Grade-school age children
may resist going to school or complain of
stomachaches and headaches. They may suddenly be
afraid to go to bed alone, have trouble falling
asleep or wake up with nightmares. Irritability and
outbursts of anger can also be signs that a child is
scared, so if you notice your child acting out more,
don’t discipline them without first considering the
possibility that they are confused and afraid.
Adolescents sometimes cover up their fear with
bravado, so don’t be fooled. Others will find it
difficult to concentrate in general or will become
preoccupied with the crisis. Some adolescents may get
depressed, withdrawing from friends and usual
activities. You won’t know for sure if your child’s
symptoms are related to traumatic stress until you
have a heart to heart conversation with them about
their feelings...Complete
essay available upon request
Buying Clothes for Your Kids
...And so with tongue in cheek, I invite you to take
heed and remember these developmental stages of
children and their clothing. Some of you could end up
saving money during the back-to-school-clothes buying
season.
Stage 1 (birth to 3 years old): Your children will wear anything you put on them. Enjoy dressing them while you can.
Stage 2 (ages 3-5): Although your children have clothing preferences, they will still wear the things you pick out—but only if you beg.
Stage 3 (ages 5-7): Your children have definite clothing preferences. You will end up donating unworn clothes to local charities if you don’t take your kids shopping with you.
Stage 4 (ages 7+): Your children’s clothing preferences are generally predictable—they want to wear whatever their friends wear. Try to convince all the parents in your area to shop somewhere inexpensive...Complete essay available upon request
Stage 1 (birth to 3 years old): Your children will wear anything you put on them. Enjoy dressing them while you can.
Stage 2 (ages 3-5): Although your children have clothing preferences, they will still wear the things you pick out—but only if you beg.
Stage 3 (ages 5-7): Your children have definite clothing preferences. You will end up donating unworn clothes to local charities if you don’t take your kids shopping with you.
Stage 4 (ages 7+): Your children’s clothing preferences are generally predictable—they want to wear whatever their friends wear. Try to convince all the parents in your area to shop somewhere inexpensive...Complete essay available upon request
Predicting Your Child's Future
...Only when I look back can I see the forces that
have shaped my children’s interests and choices over
the years. Someday, when Summer and Ryan are well
into their careers, I may look back and it will seem
as though they were both destined to be exactly what
they are. And maybe, if someone knew enough about my
two high school classmates and me, what seemed like
an impossible coincidence wouldn’t seem quite so
impossible...
Complete essay available upon request
Complete essay available upon request
Family Time: Getting from Planner to Participant
...The problem is that the kind of calm and
uninterrupted family times parents nostalgically
remember and desire for their children are extremely
difficult to create nowadays. There just doesn’t seem
to be enough time for family time. Parents end up
feeling disappointed and guilty for working so much,
for taking any time at all for themselves, and even
for putting the kids into bed at an early hour. But
according to the researchers, quantity of time isn’t
the problem...Complete
essay available upon request
Raising Honest Children
We parents want our children to grow up believing
they are trusted. But what about those times we catch
our children dancing around the edges of honesty or
flat out lying to us? Here are three techniques I
used to help my daughter grow in honesty without
making her feel like I questioned her basic
character...Complete
essay available upon request
Kids Activities: A balance of choices and mandates
Parents today want their children to participate in a
variety of activities. Most parents like the idea of
presenting new opportunities to their children as
choices. But what about those activities which
children aren’t likely to choose, but which parents
believe would be good for their children’s
development? Can parents know when it’s best to offer
a choice and when it’s best to issue a
mandate?...Complete
essay available upon request
A Father’s Day Message for Mothers
Many fathers tell me that as parents, they feel stuck
between a rock and a hard place. Their wives want
them to be more active in the day to day care of the
children, but when these fathers try, they often feel
criticized for having poor parenting skills. I hope
this message speaks the truth for these stuck
fathers, provides some insight for their wives, and
motivates both to move toward equal opportunity
parenting...Complete
essay available upon request
Healthy Guilt
...Guilt is a special kind of anxiety that serves as
a reminder that a family or social value has been
violated. Parents evoke guilt feelings in their
children when they make it clear that a particular
behavior is inappropriate and must be changed in
order to return to the good graces of the family.
Some people think all guilt is unhealthy, but I
disagree. I believe healthy guilt is a warning that
some essential life principle, like love or respect,
is at risk. Healthy guilt is a sign of maturity and
moral responsibility. Children who experience healthy
guilt may feel bad about their behavior, but they
don't feel bad about themselves. Their guilt
motivates them to try harder to behave more lovingly
and respectfully...Complete
essay available upon request
The Heart of Parenting
...There is a natural ambivalence at the heart of
parenting. Although we chose parenthood because we
want to love and nurture children, we know that one
our primary responsibilities as parents is to prepare
our children for life on their own. Therein lies the
ambivalence. Somehow, we’ve got to learn how to hold
on and let go...at the same time...Complete
essay available upon request
Who’s the Smartest?
...As much as parents do our best not to compare one
child with another, we can’t prevent them from making
their own comparisons. It’s unrealistic to pretend
there aren’t differences between children; but how
can we acknowledge those differences without
diminishing either child?...Complete
essay available upon request
Father’s Day, Every Day
...On Father’s Day, my children will probably give me
a gift, which I’m sure I’ll enjoy receiving; but my
favorite gifts are the ones that don’t come on
designated gift giving days. I like the gifts Summer
and Ryan give me all year long. Let me tell you about
two wonderful gifts I received a few months ago, and
why they are so precious to me...Complete
essay available upon request
Traits of a Healthy Family (a 3-part series)
(2,600 words in 3 parts)...In every healthy family
there is a natural tension that results from the
family’s attempt to meet two basic needs: 1) People
need togetherness; every healthy family tries to
create a stable place of belonging for each member.
2) People also need separateness; every healthy
family tries to find ways to enrich and extend itself
by encouraging independence and sending individual
members out into the world. The tension that exists
between the forces of togetherness and
separateness—between family belonging and individual
freedom—is perfectly normal and natural. I use the
images of roots and wings to describe it. Roots
suggest togetherness and belonging, and wings suggest
the need for separateness and individual expression.
Healthy families offer roots and wings…Complete
essay available upon request
When Disappointment is Reassuring
(Father's Day)...Parents don’t often think of
disappointment as positive, but I believe it can be
an important sign that one’s children are on moving
along the road to self-discovery and
independence—that they are pursuing their own dreams.
That’s the kind of disappointment which is
reassuring. I can live with that.Complete
essay available upon request
Aim for Excellence, not Perfection
...We all have a secret wish to be perfect, but we
must all learn to gracefully accept something less.
It’s better to aim for excellence rather than
perfection. Susan and I tried to incorporate that
philosophy into our parenting. We praised our
children for their efforts rather than the results of
their efforts. We wanted them to know we were happy
with whatever they achieved, as long as they were
trying their best. When Summer and Ryan were younger,
we’d always celebrate the end of each school grading
period by going out for ice cream. Both kids knew
that we’d be celebrating no matter what grades they
received; they didn’t need to hide their academic
shortcomings from us, because we didn’t expect
perfection...Complete
essay available upon request
Motivating Children is Tricky Business
...One day when my daughter was in sixth grade, the
two of us were riding in the car when she spoke up
and interrupted my monologue, "Daddy, please quit
talking about houses and buildings. I don't want to
hear about them any more. It makes me not want to be
an architect."...I wanted to motivate Summer by
sharing my own enthusiasm about architecture, but
from our conversation in the car, it was obvious my
approach wasn't working. If the idea of being an
architect genuinely appealed to Summer, why would she
threaten me with giving it up as a way to shut me
up?...Complete
essay available upon request
Don't Ask, Just Tell
...I've noticed that, when giving instructions to
their children, many parents end their statements by
asking, "okay?" They say things like, "Come on honey,
it's time for us to go…okay?" or "Mommy needs you to
get in the car right now…okay?" Asking "okay?"
changes a command into a request. What are these
parents requesting? Are they asking for their
children's permission? Are they soliciting their
children's approval? Are they offering their children
an opportunity to decide whether or not to
comply?...Complete
essay available upon request
Loving Children For Who They Are
It's only natural for parents to wonder what their
children will be like when they grow up; so when a
child's personality and habits aren't quite what mom
and dad expected, they may worry. I've talked with
parents who were concerned that their child spends
too much time playing alone in his room; and I've
talked with parents who were concerned that their
child doesn't spend enough time playing alone.
Parents sometimes get worried if their younger child
doesn't act like his or her older sibling did at the
same age. And, occasionally I'll see a parent who
panics when their child exhibits some personality
quirk which reminds them of something they don't like
about themselves. Since there's no sure fire way to
distinguish between a budding behavior problem and a
budding personality characteristic, it's only natural
for parents to be concerned...Complete
essay available upon request
Dealing with Disasters
...When couples decide to have children, they give up
their rights to “white sofa” lives. Children make
mistakes, have accidents, and do damage—it’s a
natural part of growing up. The responsibility of
parents is to teach their children without heaping
damage upon damage...Complete
essay available upon request
Mom! My Teacher Doesn’t Like Me
...Summer was being absolutely honest and sincere,
but Susan and I knew we were in danger of being
caught in a triangle. We were in no position to take
Summer’s side without hearing the teacher’s
perspective; neither were we in a position to
reassure Summer the teacher didn’t hate her. The
teacher’s side of story needed to be heard—by Summer
more than us. So we set up a meeting. Summer didn’t
like the idea, but Susan and I promised we’d be
there, knowing our presence would lessen Summer’s
fears, making it easier for her to express herself
clearly and hear what her teacher had to
say...Complete
essay available upon request
Teaching Uncommon Sense
...I couldn’t imagine how Summer knew so much about
grief at such a young age, so I asked if she had
studied grief counseling in school. “No, Dad,” she
laughed, “I learned it from you.”...Learned it from
me? How? When? I felt like I’d just won the Teacher
of the Year award, but didn’t know what I’d done to
deserve the honor. I decided to find out. At my next
opportunity, I asked Summer to tell me more. This is
what I learned about teaching uncommon sense to
children:...
Complete essay available upon request
Complete essay available upon request
Stages of Emotional Development
As much as I value scholarly research and writing, it
can be complex and confusing; so I’ve decided to
provide a very simple guide to help parents identify
their child’s stage of emotional development. The
guide is based on my belief that each developmental
stage elicits a particular response in
parents...Complete
essay available upon request
Christmas in the Land of OZ
...No one ever warns parents how different it’s going
to feel when they’re the ones in charge of creating
the mystery and wonder...Putting on the show is a
different experience than watching the show– maybe
for the same reason food always tastes better when
other people cook it. When you have children, it’s
like signing on to be a perpetual member of the
production cast. The members of the cast always know
how Peter Pan flies and where the magician hides. And
in families that celebrate Christmas, parents always
know who eats the cookie and drinks the glass of milk
left out for Santa...
Complete essay available upon request
Complete essay available upon request
Reframing: Offering Children a New Perspective
...I'd rather have a fast brain than fast legs in
today's world. That's what I'd tell Ryan when he got
discouraged about keeping up with the other boys on
the playing field. I started calling him a
"head-shredder." It seemed particularly appropriate
after watching Ryan use his speedy brain to help his
elementary school Science Olympiad team win three
straight championships. Kids like to think of
themselves as fast. Ryan liked the idea he was a
speedy head-shredder...Sometimes children need their
parents to offer them a different way to look at
themselves...Complete
essay available upon request
Being Friends with Your Children
...I think parents should be authoritative friends to
their children. An authoritative friend is someone
whose unassailable character and good-hearted
intentions are inspiring. Such a friend does not make
you do things; they make you want to do
things. The wisest and most powerful parents I know
are people whose strength of character and loving
actions are obvious to their children. These parents
behave in ways that demonstrate they are comfortable
with who they are and determined be the best people
they can be. Their children see this, and they
respect their parents for it. These parents, simply
by being themselves, have a great deal of influence
over their children...Complete
essay available upon request
Uncovering New Parenting Solutions
...There is, however, a lesser know but effective
alternative for finding solutions. In this approach,
parents focus their attention on identifying what was
happening at the point there wasn't a problem. Using
my example, something must have been happening which
enabled my children to "not fight" before they began
to fight. Something was happening which enabled my
kids to keep their hands to themselves. What was it?
Maybe there was a lively family conversation going on
before the fighting began. If so, re-engaging the
kids in a conversation would be a good solution to
try. Maybe the kids were getting along better when
they were excited about arriving at our destination.
Since we were returning home, maybe we could think of
something exciting they could expect upon our arrival
back home. It is surprising how many parents overlook
the fact that problem-free times can hold the key to
some excellent solutions...Complete
essay available upon request
What Do You Tell The Children?
What do you tell your five-year-old daughter when her
beloved grandpa is diagnosed with a terminal illness?
What do you say to your fourteen-year old son when
marriage tensions have you and your spouse sleeping
in separate rooms? How much do you share with your
ten-year-old daughter when your income drops and you
can no longer afford her dance
lessons?...Complete
essay available upon request
A Father Learns to Let Go
(Father's Day)...Among my personal treasures is a
tattered copy of a letter written by my father in
1969. Dad wrote the letter in support of me when I
took a public moral stand on an issue about which he
and I did not agree. His letter inspires me, because
it reflects a love that knows how to hold close and
how to let go. This is the kind of love that
cultivates emotional maturity...Complete
essay available upon request
How to Show Your Kids You Really Mean It
...It's obvious that no child is going to adjust his
behavior for a giggling parent. Neither is a child
going to respond to us if we seem too tired or too
timid to enforce the rules we expect them to follow.
When it comes to enforcement, we parents have to be
convincing. Unfortunately many of us parents don't
know how to clearly demonstrate to our children that
we really mean it. We don't know how to get our
children to do what we want them to do...Complete
essay available upon request
No Two Children are Alike
...As a proud parent, I would say both Summer and
Ryan have good social skills and show independence
appropriate for their ages. Their differences are not
a matter of ability; their differences simply reflect
different preferences. They consistently choose
differently. Ryan is attracted to the world of people
and things. Summer is attracted to the world of
beauty and ideas. Their behavior is understandable,
given their preferences...It is my hope that we
parents learn to encourage our children as they
discover their own special nature, accept our
children as unique human beings, and love them for
who they are...Complete
essay available upon request
